Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
On my cock.
I’m lucky I don’t make the same high-pitched sound.
“Oh,” she breathes, swiveling on my lap to at least get a side glimpse of my face. “Oh.”
“Sorry. Shit. I didn’t want to lose the moment. There’s nothing more important than what I want to tell you. I might be shit at it, but I need to give it a try.”
“Hold on a second.” She releases Pumpkin onto the bed. Behind us, the dog shifts, rolls onto his side, and farts again. This one is more like a slow wheeze, with much less oomph. “Wow. That hardly makes for a great atmosphere.”
I wait for a minute, sorting out my thoughts before I voice them. “I meant what I said yesterday.” My arm tightens around her waist, drawing her just a little bit further in. “You want this, I’ll fight for it. You want me, I’ll figure out how to be here for you. I don’t want to do music forever. I always saw myself taking a break and having a family. It’s something I’ve always wanted. I wasn’t just saying it. There’s room in my life. I want there to be. I’ll make that room.”
My dick twitches under her thighs at the way her whole face softens. “You always did say you wanted kids more than anything, when the time was right.”
“I thought I’d have to shelf that time, but as it is, it just happened. I’m devastated about it, but I’m going to get through it. All the hard stuff. It’s going to be a rough couple of weeks, and I’m always going to feel so much guilt over hurting people like this. The fans. The band. Everyone. Everyone is going to be so upset.”
“They will, but they know you.” She strokes my cheek, and my heart accelerates to a speed that’s probably not even safe. “They know you’re not going to just give up and disappear forever. It might be a break or the end of Wilder’s Peril, but it’s not the end of you.”
“When I think about the guys, I just want to throw up.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you did the absolute best you could. It’s easier for some people to put the blame on someone else than to admit they were part of the problem. In time, they might change their mind.”
“If not, then it’s going to be a big loss.”
“They might have their own stuff they’re working through. The most growth usually happens in the hardest, bleakest times. The only thing you can do is be honest, and if you want to be there when they’re ready, let them know. They might ridicule you now or scoff at it, but it won’t last forever. I don’t know them the way you do, but I know them a little, and I think that’s true. Especially for Matt. He’s responsible for his own happiness, and I know he’ll find it one day. This isn’t the end of his career either.”
I don’t know what it is I feel. I haven’t sorted it out. It’s a hundred different things all at the same time. More than I’ve felt throughout most of my life. It’s all hitting hard.
The last thing I thought I would be doing is mixing… whatever this is, with all this change. I don’t even know what stage this is. Desire? Infatuation? Falling? Crushing hard? How can any of those be right for how long I’ve known this woman?
In-between? Is that the right word? I’m trying to bridge the gap from before to now. Professional to personal. Friendship to something more intimate.
If I had a guitar in my hands, I might be able to work through this. The words wouldn’t get stuck in my brain, lodging in some channel that refuses to be reached.
“Right now, you don’t need any more pressure.” Carissa has the words I don’t. “I’m here, and we don’t need labels for that. I’m here as a friend, as someone who cares, and as your safe place.”
“I want to give you more than that. I can’t just take that from you and offer nothing in return.”
She gives me a slow blink that says she’s never heard anything crazier in her life. “Your friendship is not nothing.”
My heart flips over as she stresses that word.
“We could try.” My hand spans the small of her back. She’s so warm against me, and her closeness makes my belly flutter. “Try our best and see how it plays out,” I elaborate. “Be kind, considerate, and talk to each other. Give each other lots of breaks and grace, because things will no doubt be beyond complicated. If we see how this goes, maybe we’ll be able to better understand where it’s going. Life is going to look different in a few weeks than it does now. But I think we’re worth at least giving it a shot. You’re definitely worth it.” Yeah, it’s not exactly romantic, but Carissa looks at me like I just put the moon in the darned sky.