Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
I nod.
“This is so confusing, Gray. I’ve sat with this all day, trying to put pieces of a puzzle together that I don’t have the box for. I don’t have any foundation for this. I can’t make sense of it because I don’t know who these people are, and you left me here thinking the worst.” She swallows. “That letter was horrifying. It was heartbreaking, not just for Liza, but for you. When I thought about you reading that and how that must’ve felt, I just wanted to hold you and help you, because that couldn’t have been easy. And then to realize that you didn’t even bother to tell me anything …” She smiles sadly. “It felt like you had a connection with these other people and I had to take a back seat. Like you were just playing me.”
She’s right. Of course, she’s right. That had to be how she interpreted it because it’s the logical solution.
I run a hand over my head, and try to focus. I can beat myself up about this later. Now’s not the time.
“Astrid, I get why you thought that,” I say, dropping my hands to my sides. “And the fact that you didn’t just rage and, instead, worried about me and Liza while you dealt with your own pain says so much about you, and why you’re the best person I’ve ever known.”
Her shoulders slack and it takes everything I can muster not to pull her into me.
“Ask me whatever you want,” I say. “You’re in control.”
“I don’t even have enough information to ask a pointed question.”
“Should I start from the beginning?”
“Yeah,” she says, the word barely a whisper.
Here we go …
I take a deep breath. “I broke up with Caroline about two and a half years ago. We’d been dating for a while, a couple of years at most. I wouldn’t say we were serious, really, because I never had any intentions on marrying her or being with her long term. But she was the closest thing to a serious girlfriend that I’d ever had.”
Astrid nods slowly, taking in the information I’m sharing with her.
“At some point, Caroline became hooked on drugs,” I say. “Before I realized what was happening, it got really ugly. I should’ve seen it earlier. There were signs and I missed them.”
She shifts on the bed, squaring her shoulders with mine. It’s a good sign, I think, so I keep going.
“We fought a lot about it, and I ended up breaking up with her. She’d gotten kicked out of her apartment and had been staying with me. But, when we broke up, she went to live with Liza, her sister. A part of me thought that if she changed environments and was with her family that she’d be better off. Maybe something about me or the traveling for the team or … something were making her problem worse. Maybe she could get help somewhere else.”
I sigh, the words sounding like they’re coming from someone else—and I wish that were true.
“What happened to her, Gray?”
“It was a few days before New Year’s, and Caroline insisted on flying up to Denver from Texas where their family was spending the holidays. I told her no—created a firm boundary and held to it. I made sure she was safe, and then stopped answering her calls. But she and Liza flew up anyway, and rented a car, and tried to drive to my apartment in a snowstorm.” My stomach twists, squeezing so hard that I grimace. “A semi-truck lost control and crashed into them, killing Caroline and almost Liza.”
Astrid gasps, covering her mouth.
“I blamed myself,” I say, wiping my nose. “Because I could’ve just answered the phone when she called that night. I should’ve. I was unfairly cold to Caroline, and I didn’t have to be. If I hadn’t, then maybe she’d still be with her family.”
She touches my arm as if she’s in shock. “I am so sorry. That’s … horrible.”
“It wasn’t fun. The last time I talked to her family before today was when her father threw me out of Caroline’s funeral. He sucker punched me in the face and I just stood there cried like a baby.”
“Oh, Gray …” She presses a quick kiss to my shoulder. “When did you get the letter?”
“Brooks gave it to me before we left Sugar Creek. Joe saw Brooks at the gas station and gave it to him to bring to me.”
Her brows pull together. “Why did Joe have it?”
“Because he ran the blind trust I set up to pay for Liza’s rehab care. I wanted it to be anonymous. I didn’t know if she’d accept my help and I had to do something.”
Astrid gets up, pacing around her room. I sit and wait, because there’s nothing else that I can do. I’m at her mercy. My heart is in her hands.