Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Things start to come into focus. When Gabby told me she was pregnant, she mentioned Penny, and I just couldn’t understand why. But Gabby thought I was worried Willow would die like Penny did.
Perhaps that’s part of it. But more than that, I want to protect Willow from the aftershocks of something bad happening to her. I want to shield her from pain and from grief because I know how deep they cut, how sometimes they never heal. Grief has made its home inside me, and there it still lives.
I watch Willow washing her hands and drying them earnestly on the towel Lucia hands to her. She’s so grown up already, and she relishes the small bits of independence she has. I sigh. Maybe it’s impossible to be an impenetrable shield for Willow, maybe that’s why I’m so protective—I know she’s going to endure pain in her life, and I hate it.
The more I think about it, the more I realize, it’s inevitable. Part of my job is to help her through the difficult times, help her cope. And maybe another part of my job is to prepare her to cope.
Aurora was right; Willow needs some ups and downs in life. It can’t be wrong to wrap a baby up in cotton wool and make sure they’re as safe and secure as possible, with no worries or concerns. But Willow isn’t a baby anymore. And she’s not going to be little forever.
“How are you feeling about having two bedrooms?” I ask, as she comes toward me.
“A little bit excited,” she says. “And a little bit nervous.”
I nod and pull her onto my lap. “That’s how I feel as well, sometimes.”
“You do?” She puts her palm on my face.
“Yes,” I say. “Sometimes it’s good to be a little bit nervous. But it’s important to talk about how you’re feeling.”
“Yes, Daddy,” she says, and I’m eighty-five percent sure she didn’t compute what I just said.
“And you and Mommy are going to decorate your new bedroom.”
“And you’re going to live here all the time,” she says, her eyes bright and her smile wide.
I glance around at the place I’m going to get to call home full-time from August 16th. “Yeah,” I say. “That’s going to be a change for Daddy.”
“I’ll know exactly where you are when you’re not with me. It’s good,” Willow says.
I chuckle at the idea that my daughter wants to keep track of me, but I can also see how it’s actually comforting to know that I’m okay without her. Maybe Gabby has a point.
“Maybe we should do a bit of decorating,” I say to Willow, but she’s off with her favorite doll, Lily. She’s not listening.
But maybe I’ll make some changes around here. I could move back into the primary bedroom, which is bigger than the one I’m currently in. But I’d redecorate first. Maybe even change the sofa in the living room area, which I’ve always hated.
I stand and walk around the space, and I start to see things with fresh eyes.
THIRTY-SIX
Aurora
I don’t know how it’s going to go, but Avril and Poppy are due over in about ten minutes. Darcy and I have been on video call for the last two hours, so I haven’t baked the muffins I’d planned.
“Oh, I didn’t tell you,” Darcy says. “I went to The Rookery on Saturday. I took Daphne to a birthday party there.”
They would have been happy to book a child’s birthday party. There aren’t many day events that mean the ballroom can get used twice in one day. Although the ballroom isn’t booked every Saturday night either.
“How was it?” I ask.
“Oh good. Nothing’s changed as far as I could see. Peter was on reception.”
Peter’s always on reception on a Saturday during the day. He’s another person who started while he was still at school and has just stayed. He’s getting married next year in the ballroom. He’ll probably have every major life event at The Rookery.
I’m not sure if that’s nice or a little sad.
“I wonder if they’ve found anyone to replace me?” I ask, not expecting Darcy to know the answer.
“I asked Peter,” she says. “He says they’ve divided your role up between a few of them until you come back.”
A shiver runs down my spine. I’m not sure if it’s because my role that I worked so hard at is being divided up and not given to someone else, or that they’re just assuming I’m coming back.
It’s a compliment. I think. But it doesn’t feel good. It feels like they’re just assuming that New York won’t be a place that I’ll be able to deal with, and I’ll come home with my tail between my legs.
And not only does the manager of The Rookery think I’m not going to be able to handle New York, so does Darcy. And she doesn’t even know that I’ve broken up with Deacon.