Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 152064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 760(@200wpm)___ 608(@250wpm)___ 507(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 760(@200wpm)___ 608(@250wpm)___ 507(@300wpm)
“Like a big, extended family.” My Babes are like sisters, the Terror guys like big brothers, and my Tilton crew are an extension of that.
“You were phenomenal.” Mom steps in next to hug me, followed by Ties and Fenna.
And then I’m pulled into a group hug with my Babes and Tilton friends.
Once I’ve been squeezed and congratulated by all the people I love, Soraya, my dance instructor pulls me aside to speak briefly with the casting director at En Pointe Theater.
“I know you’ve already submitted an application, but we’d like to extend a personal invitation to our first round of auditions next month,” Kenzie says. “You were flawless up there tonight, and we would love to have you with our company.”
“It would be an honor, truly. I’ve followed your dancers for years, and I love how innovative and creative you are with choreography. Your productions have hugely inspired me.”
“Well, you inspire us. We look forward to seeing you next month. I’ll let you get back to celebrating with your family and friends.” She squeezes my shoulder and moves on to another group of dancers.
Soraya beams. “It has truly been a joy watching you grow as a dancer. I can’t wait to see where you go from here.”
“Thank you for always pushing me to be creative and step outside the box. I am so grateful for your guidance.”
We’re called to take a group photo and then we head backstage to collect our things before I return to Phillip, who waits patiently for me in the nearly empty foyer. Fee took most of the flowers with her back to our apartment, so all I have are the ones from Phillip and his journal. He links our arms and guides me out into the cool April night to his car.
“My place or yours?” he asks once he’s behind the wheel.
“Yours, please.” Tomorrow is game one of the first playoff series, and his bed is a king versus my double, so it will be more comfortable, plus there’s guaranteed privacy.
“I saw you talking to the casting director from En Pointe. How was that?”
“They invited me to audition for their fall production next month.”
“That’s amazing, Talls. And not a surprise.”
“It feels like everything is falling into place now,” I admit. “Like the weight has lifted and the way forward is clear.”
He laces our fingers. “Sometimes we need to take a step back to gain perspective.”
“I hated the pause, but I needed it,” I confide.
“Me, too, on both fronts. But it gave me a chance to really focus on what I want for us in the future, and it forced me to put all my energy into securing home-ice advantage for the beginning of the playoffs.”
“I’m really glad that happened, and that you could be here for my showcase and I can be there to watch you play tomorrow.”
“The last thing I wanted was to miss it because I had to be on a plane.”
He pulls into the underground lot and parks in his spot. We take the elevator up to his apartment.
He turns to me once we’re inside. “Why don’t you take a quick shower? I have a few things I want to set up, and then you can read my journal and we can talk?”
“That sounds perfect.”
Everything is already set out for me in the bathroom. I shower quickly, moisturize and brush my teeth, pulling one of Phillip’s comfy shirts over my head, excited to be surrounded by him again soon.
The living room has been transformed when I come out of the bathroom. Glasses of champagne and a spread of all of my favorite snacks, including cherry-chip mini-cupcakes, are laid out on the coffee table next to his journal.
He meets me halfway across the room and I let him guide me to the couch, where I tuck myself into his side. Phillip passes me the journal, expression nervous and expectant.
I open it to the first page, which boasts a collection of doodles and a heart with my name written inside it. The pages that follow contain collages of photos, some just of me, others with the girls, and more still of me and Phillip, often caught candidly by whoever took them.
And then the letters begin.
Tally,
We’re on pause.
Even writing those words terrifies me. I understand why you need it, and maybe I need it too. All I want is to fix things. To go back in time and be honest with you about Fiona, about everything, about the way I feel. But I can’t, so I’m putting it all down here, and when you’re ready to unpause, I can share this with you the way you keep sharing yourself with me.
It’s time for some real honesty.
I’ve been fighting this attraction since Dred and Connor’s wedding.
I just never believed I’d be worthy of you.
I never believed I’d be able to let someone into my heart again.