Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 132951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Even Romero is pissed. “You’re your own worst enemy, man,” he grumbles as we head to the locker room after a messy practice.
“I know.” Meems spelled that out for me yesterday, and I’ve had the past twenty-four hours to think about how right she is.
“You need to figure your shit out,” Ryker adds.
“I know.”
Ryker sighs and shakes his head.
He and Romero are the only two people on the team still talking to me, and nothing they have to say is kind. It’s also not untrue.
I keep my mouth shut as we strip out of our gear. Coach Vander Zee comes in and reads us the riot act, then asks to see me in his office. I nod and close my eyes a moment. If I get traded again, it’ll be my own damn fault. And it’ll mean I won’t be close to Meems anymore. But if I end up on the other side of the country, Mildred won’t have to deal with me, and maybe that would be better for her.
I’m still sitting on the bench, spinning worst-case scenarios and hating myself, when Madden appears in my peripheral vision. We’re both in boxer briefs. The rest of the team is in the showers.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” he informs me.
“Yup.”
“I know what you did for Tristan and Rix at their wedding.”
I shrug. “My family owns half the hotels in Aruba. If I hadn’t done it, I would have been an even bigger asshole than I already am.”
Flip crosses his arms. “I mean with his mother.”
That gets my attention. “He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about that.”
“Well, he told me, and Dred knows, too. That was an amazing thing to do, you fucking dickbag.”
“The wedding would have been ruined otherwise.” I scrub a hand down my face. “I could have done the same thing for Mildred, you know. I could have just stepped in and paid off the debt for her, no questions asked.”
“She wouldn’t have accepted the money.”
“But I could have fixed the entire problem without her even realizing I’d done it. I could have made it go away like that.” I snap my fingers. “But I didn’t. I locked her into a contract. I made her mine.”
Flip hauls off and punches me in the face. Like I wanted him to. I see stars, and the ache is immediate and vicious.
“You should do that again,” I goad. “It’ll make you feel better.”
“Push my buttons all you want.” He shakes out his hand. “But the only reason you’re doing it is because you hate yourself, and you want someone else to take away the emotional hurt you’ve caused by distracting you with physical pain. You locked Dred into a contract because you wanted her. Not to piss me off—although I’m sure that gave you a little thrill—but because you actually liked her, and it was the most logical way in your messed-up brain to have her. Man the fuck up, Connor. Take some responsibility for yourself.” His eyes are on fire, and he looks particularly wrathful. “You broke my best friend’s heart. I know you’ve got your fair share of issues, and your family is a mess right now, but what you did to Dred is un-fucking-forgivable.”
My stomach bottoms out with that statement. “She’s better off without me.”
He sneers at me. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
So many things. “Mildred is kind and good and all the things I’m not. She’ll get sick of me and my messes. I’m not good enough for her, and I sure as fuck don’t deserve her. Especially not her heart.”
Flip’s lip curls, and his expression shifts to irritation. “First of all, everything you’ve done, however convoluted and backwards, says something completely different. Secondly, you don’t get to decide who my best friend deserves to love or what choices she makes.”
I frown. Of all the reactions he could have, this is the last one I expected. More shots to the face, yes, but not him defending her feelings for me.
“Don’t be a fucking idiot, Connor. Dred is loyal to the core and the most amazing person. You want her back? Figure out a way to undo the damage you did when you decided shredding her heart was the best way to keep your own safe. She has been hurt by so many people.” All his anger turns to anguish. He takes a moment to center himself. “By the people who were supposed to keep her safe, who were supposed to love her the most. And despite all the shit she’s endured, she is still one of the best people I know. Own your stupidity, and find a way to take yourself off that list.”
He leaves me sitting on the bench, eviscerated.
But he’s right, about all of it. And I added myself to the list of people who have hurt her. I need to fix that—to prove to her and to myself that I’m nothing like my father. That I can love her the way she deserves. That I can take care of her heart, if she’s willing to give me a second chance.