Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98643 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98643 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
As the minutes passed and Flynn didn’t speak or even turn around, my need to lick my wounds became too great. Instead of retreating to my office so I could cry my eyes out, I walked toward the lobby doors because there was something I needed to do first. It wasn’t often that I used my name to my advantage, but if it helped get rid of the cops, reporters, and gawkers, I’d gladly throw it around so Flynn could leave without microphones being thrust in his face and the bright lights from cameras blinding him.
“Jules, if you even think about walking out that door so you can save me from all the cops and reporters…”
Flynn let the threat hang. Since I already knew he’d never hurt me physically, I braced myself for whatever he was going to say next. Either way, the knowledge that I’d turned Flynn into someone nearly unrecognizable began to shred me into little tiny bits that would eventually float away until it’d been like I’d never existed at all.
“I didn’t read your fucking note,” Flynn continued. “You want to know why?”
I knew better than to open my mouth to respond.
“Because there was nothing you could have said on that scrap of paper that would have made me suffer even a tiny fraction less. I just got on my horse and left the one place where I’d finally started to feel like I belonged. The place I wanted to build a future with the one person who meant more to me than anything else. The person who made me finally feel safe. The person who made me realize that the two years I’d spent exploring some of the most beautiful places in the country didn’t hold a candle to even a single second of the time I spent with him.”
Bile crept up the back of my throat, filling my mouth with a sour taste that made me want to gag. I swallowed repeatedly to rid myself of the taste because I owed Flynn however long it took him to tell me in excruciating detail what my cowardice had done to him. But in true Jules fashion, I couldn’t do it. As it was, all I wanted to do was sink to my knees and lie down on the cold marble floor and wait until it was all over.
Selfish to the end, huh, Jules?
There was no arguing with the voice inside my head… the one that had reminded me from the time I was a little kid that no matter how long I waited by a window for a father who was never going to appear or hoped that the mother I barely knew would send for me, it would never happen because I wasn’t like other people. There was something fundamentally wrong with me and no amount of money or sex or buying friends was going to change that.
When the silence became too unbearable, I feebly murmured, “I knew I couldn’t ask you to come back here with me—"
“No, you don’t know that, actually. You took the right to decide that for myself away from me.”
Every word was another knife being driven into my body but not with the intent to kill me. I needed to suffer. There was no fighting back because everything Flynn was saying was true. The wounds he was inflicting would never heal, just like the wound I’d left him with would stay with him forever. I’d cut into his chest just like the surgeons had, but not to save him. I’d done it to save myself.
“You know what the funny thing is? When I got on BJ, I didn’t tell him which way to go when we left the ranch because I didn’t care. I didn’t care about myself, but worse, I didn’t care about him. I was the one who was supposed to take care of him. He trusted me not to let anything happen to him and I just threw that away. Because of you. Because all of my thoughts were consumed with wondering what I’d said or done to drive you away.”
Flynn let out a harsh, ugly laugh. “I didn’t see anything around me. There was no beauty or life in anything we passed. I was on autopilot. I had enough sense to untack BJ at night, eat food I couldn’t taste, drink water I didn’t want, and stare at some stars that were nothing but dots of light against a dark background.” Flynn ran his hand along BJ’s neck as he spoke. “I didn’t come here because I’d planned it the entire time. BJ brought me here. This horse has never once set foot anywhere near this city and yet every day, he brought me closer to this terrible place that I’d never wanted to see again. He brought me back to the place where the one person I never wanted to see again lived.