Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98643 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98643 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 395(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
“I was too stupid to notice the change in weather at first. When I did, I got BJ turned around so he’d head south to where it was warmer. Then I buried my head in the sand so I could continue to feel sorry for myself and try to find a way to erase every moment we were together from my brain. The weather turned on us, so I pointed BJ west and figured he’d stop once we reached the ocean. And wouldn’t you know it, it was cold as fuck going that way too. Snow had started to fall and the temperatures kept dropping to the point that I knew we were in trouble. We didn’t have the right supplies to survive that kind of cold, and since I had no clue exactly where we were, I couldn’t find the closest ranch or barn that I’d used in the past to stable BJ during the worst part of winter. Do you have any idea how easy it is to die in those kinds of elements?”
I shook my head even though Flynn still had his back to me. Never in a million years had I expected him to leave the ranch, let alone put his and BJ’s lives at risk.
“I’m so sorry, Flynn. I never wanted—”
“That was the moment I came back to life. It was one thing to throw away my own life for something as foolish as love, but to put BJ at risk…” Flynn shook his head. “I finally had the sense to pull out my compass and map so I could try to figure out where we were, but when I saw that little arrow pointing in the exact same direction it’d been when I’d turned BJ around for the first time, I finally got it. BJ was bringing me here.”
“I don’t understand,” I said in all honesty.
Flynn finally turned around. Between his bitter eyes that seemed to bore straight through me and the stiff way he held himself, I wished he hadn’t.
“BJ is smart. Really fucking smart. But it wasn’t his idea to come here. He was only doing what I was asking him to do.”
“But you said—”
“I said that you were all I could think about. In my mind, I wanted to forget you, wipe you from my memory forever. But without even realizing it, my body was telling BJ something different. So he was reacting to what I truly wanted, even if my brain was in denial the whole time. Five months, Jules. Five fucking months trying to escape you and yet here I am. As soon as I entered the city limits, one cop after another began citing me. I stuffed the citation in my saddlebag, agreed to whatever the cop was saying even though I wasn’t listening, and then I was walking again.”
“Why?” was all I could ask. “Why put yourself through all that? Did you think that being face to face with me when you told me how much you hated me, how I disgusted you, and that I was a selfish, lying, self-centered asshole would make me hurt worse than I already did? Because it doesn’t, Flynn. You’ve been in my head from the moment you left my room after the last time we made love.” I stopped only long enough to wipe the snot and tears from my face. “I never thought to ask you what happens to wolves who lose their mate. Do they find a way to keep going or do they just lie down and wait to die? I looked up the answer. Their instinct is to survive, so even though they mourn, they find a way to survive it.”
I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve because the tears were coming too fast and hard for me to see Flynn, even as he moved closer to me. “I’ve been pretending that I’m in survival mode, but if it makes you feel even a little bit better, I’m dying, Flynn. Every single day, a piece of me withers and dies. I promise you, there won’t be anything left soon so you got me, okay? You won. You’re a survivor. You always have been. You’re going to fight. You’re going to put one foot in front of the other. If you need to hate me with every fiber of your being then do it because it will keep you going long enough to find your true other half. Someone who can be everything you want. That you need. Who’s fucking worthy of you.”
My throat was raw and my eyes burned from all the tears. I knew there was nothing else I could say to take away Flynn’s pain, and since I knew he wouldn’t beat me into oblivion, I gave in to my cowardice and quickly turned to escape to my office but ran right into BJ’s shoulder.