Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“Because of Doug?”
Josh replied with a simple nod.
“I can’t figure out what I’m saying I want either, but being attracted to you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you. I’m not asking you to devote your life to me. Leave it to you to go there.” I said that last part in a teasing voice, because he was cocky and we were us. We had to nitpick with each other. It had become our thing.
Josh chuckled.
I added, “Wanting you this way makes me feel like everyone else, like there’s a place where I fit. It’s an answer to a question I’ve had my whole damn life but didn’t see it until recently. It’s…freeing.”
“Jesus Christ, sweetheart. You’re gonna kill me here.” Josh moved from his spot across the hot tub to the seat beside me. “The thought of kissing you… I don’t think you realize how much I want you, how much I’ve wanted you for a while now, but I gotta be real with you. It scares me too. I’ve never been scared of that before. The people I hook up with, there’s no connection for more, no risk, but there is with you. You’re my friend, and you’re Kell’s brother. And you’ve seen me. You’ve seen who I am. I don’t have any more to give than that.”
He didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, and the truth was, we were different. While I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking I wanted a serious relationship with Josh, I was obviously attracted to him. Damned if I didn’t want to explore that, to touch and taste and savor, with more than a physical response pushing through my veins.
With desire.
But he was right. There was a lot to consider—our friends, my brother, the fact that my attraction did come from whatever bond we had, from our friendship—yet I wasn’t asking for any kind of promises. Josh and I were too different for anything more. Not to mention, I wasn’t the guy who’d want to explore this with him while knowing he was screwing around with others.
“Why did it have to be you?” I said, even though I didn’t feel it.
“I am pretty irresistible,” Josh replied, then, “I wish I could be better for you. I wish I could be who you deserve. I don’t know how to give anything more than what I do, not anymore.”
Something came over me then. I reached out, cupped Josh’s smooth face. He closed his eyes and burrowed into it before kissing the tips of my fingers. I wasn’t sure who moved first, or if we both did at the same time. One minute we weren’t kissing and the next our mouths were fused together. My tongue licked at the seam of his lips. He let me in, and we tasted each other, moaned into each other, and all I could think was yes, this was what a kiss was supposed to feel like. It wasn’t the same as the one I had in the hotel room. It was real.
My whole body was sensitive. My thoughts screamed more and hell yeah and finally. In that moment, I got it, understood why people sought this out, because when your insides were into it too, it was so much more than just a physical response.
It was something I could quickly become addicted to.
As if Josh read my thoughts as soon as I had them, we both stopped kissing but didn’t move back. Our foreheads were pressed together, and we breathed each other’s air.
“You’re good at that,” Josh said with a smile.
“Yeah, I am, aren’t I?”
He laughed and pulled away. I missed the contact instantly, which should have told me right then that parting was the right thing to do.
Josh didn’t move to the other side of the Jacuzzi again. We sat there, relaxing in the water. We didn’t talk about the attraction again, but I knew it was on both our minds.
Eventually, we got out, dried off, and changed. We both went to bed in our underwear again, but this time, I didn’t hide the fact that I was taking in the view.
“Jesus, man. You’re gonna fucking kill me,” Josh said. He was already lying down. He grabbed a pillow and covered his face before screaming into it. I couldn’t help laughing. Josh was good at making me do that.
At the moment, I was just riding the high of wanting him so bad and knowing he felt the same about me. Though I guessed Josh wanted a lot of people.
He tugged the pillow away. “What? You’re frowning. Why are you suddenly Grumpy G?”
“Nothing.” I hit the lights, and Josh pulled the blanket over both of us.
“Griff?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m honored…that it’s me. The only reason I can’t do this is because you’re…more than the rest of them.”
I didn’t reply, wasn’t sure what to say, but we rolled over to face each other, and when Josh rested his hand on my hip, I pulled him closer. We slept that way, holding each other all night.