Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
I died inside.”
I moved to Black Stone Ridge to rebuild my life.
For the first time in forever, I actually feel safe.
Making friends with Lake wasn’t planned—especially when I began to have feelings for him.
There’s no way I can allow myself to care about another man.
Losing the only man I’ve ever loved nearly destroyed me.
Besides, the hell my brother and his motorcycle club
put me through
left me with so many holes inside that
I’ll never be whole again.
Lake doesn’t give up, though, and slowly my walls begin to crumble—
even as I battle the guilt I feel when my heart tries to move past Bear.
When something happens that brings my past back in ways I never could have imagined,
I’m faced with a future that seems impossible.
Is it real?
Or has my mind finally broken completely?
*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************
1
SURVIVING
OLIVIA
I look at the clock and sigh when I realize it’s just after two in the afternoon. The day is dragging. I was hoping it was later. I admit, I have my favorite parts of the day. Early mornings are the worst. Yet, mostly I look forward to the night. When it’s night, I can live inside my dreams. The pain is somewhat manageable that way. It’s only then that I am in Bear’s arms. He’s holding me as if I’m the only person in the world, and for that brief respite, life is good again. The past never happened. My world didn’t end. Life has a purpose.
And then I wake up.
For six months now, I’ve been at the Black Stone Ranch. I work at the campground office. I enjoy it. I get to meet new people, and although the work is easy, it’s constant and keeps my mind busy—which is exactly how I like it.
There are days I feel almost normal—like I’m not the woman living out of a cage and used as a chew toy for a rabid motorcycle gang that needed to be put down. Then, there are days where I question everything and wonder if my brother is truly dead. They did DNA and said the charred body from the explosion was him, but I can’t help but worry that it wasn’t and someday he’ll come to drag me back into hell with him.
Today falls roughly between all of that chaos. Where I’m not panicking and looking over my shoulder, yet at the same time, I can’t help but remember the past. I’ve worked since four this morning filing and cleaning the office. I’m not supposed to clean this place. They have a service that they use. I can’t resist though. Cleaning keeps my mind busy.
In six months, I’ve made progress—at least that’s what they tell me. I guess in some ways I have. I function normally now. I still have panic attacks, though there are fewer of them. Winnie—my former therapist and now bestie—was right about feeling safe here at Black Stone. I do. Yet, I still stumble at times. It’s the weirdest thing. Occasionally, all the ranch hands gather here for a cookout or similar event. I attend only because Deb and Lisa insist on it. When I’m there, I listen to the ranch hands laughing and enjoying the dinner. Yet, my attention always settles on one man.
Lake.
I’ve never really seen him, just the back of him mostly—sometimes a profile. Still, when he says something, he sounds so much like Bear that I’m instantly transported back in time. Realistically, I know it can’t be him. It’s just not possible. I held Bear while he died. Douglas pulled him out of the cage and even stabbed him one final time while taunting me. Bear’s gone. Still, that voice being so similar is enough to send me hurling. I’ve always managed to make it to my cabin before I completely lose it, but it’s close.
“What are you thinking about so intently?”
I turn my attention back to my cell pressed against my ear. I’d completely forgotten about it. That’s another issue I have. My mind can wonder and everything around me ceases to exist for the most part. “Nothing much. I just have a lot on my mind today—none of it meaningful. I’m just a little overwhelmed.”
“I’m sorry. You should call me when you’re like this. I’d love it. Besides, I don’t get to see you as much since you fired me as your therapist.”
I roll my eyes and snort. “I didn’t fire you. I just needed a change. We’re so close, even you admitted you couldn’t be entirely impartial these days. Plus, it’s weird. A lot of what I need to work through is my relationship with Bear and Blade. I don’t want to talk to my therapist about my ex—especially if that ex is now her whole life,” I laugh.
“Oh, please. I’m the best one to talk to about him. I know what an asshole he can be.”