Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 59739 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 299(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59739 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 299(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
“She might surprise you,” I say, even though I’m not sure I believe it. Then, quietly, “Or she might not, but you’ll have tried. That’s all you can do.”
She swallows, blinking at the sea. “Why are you even talking to me? You should hate me, too. I just made everything harder for everyone.”
I try for a laugh, but it comes out brittle. “Hate you? I could never hate you, and honestly, I don’t think Tati can either. It will be okay, it will.”
We sit like that for a while, in silence. At the water’s edge, the waves lurch in and out, never the same twice. The blue is so perfect it could swallow you whole, and for a moment, I want to let it: to let the ocean bleach all the rotten things out of us so we can be new again.
“I am starting to wonder now if we ever even stood a chance at being normal. You know? After what that bastard did to us—and all our training, and the way we lived for the stage, like it was the only place we actually mattered.” I pause, chewing the inside of my cheek. “We’re all the same, in the end. All just trying to find a way to survive.”
Aggie sniffs and nods, then draws her knees up to her chin. “I miss my mum,” she says, so quietly it nearly breaks me.
I don’t know what to say to that. So I just sit with her, both of us staring at the horizon, motionless while the world keeps turning.
I turn to look back at the others. Secrets have a way of getting out, don’t they? Like oil spills, like red wine on white linen. And now everything is stained, even the good memories. Even the pieces I wanted to keep.
I don’t know how we’ll make it out of this with any of us intact. But I know that, at least, I’ll be the one who tries.
The wind catches my hair, and I close my eyes, listening to the hiss of the waves, and the distant, ruined sound of Tati crying.
How the fuck do we come out of this?
“HEY.”
Space.
That’s what we have been giving Tatiana for the afternoon, but I don’t want to stay away any longer. I feel horrible for her, because I know that what happened with Aggie has changed everything. A friendship that has spanned through the years, grown through the hardest times, and is now balancing on the edge of a cliff. There is probably little I can do, but I have to at least make sure she’s okay.
She’s sitting in a patch of sand by the shoreline, letting waves wash up over her feet. She’s just staring, her face blotchy and red from crying. I feel for her, I truly do. It would feel like the world is closing down around her. Especially out here, where there is no escape. We have all had moments of desperation out here, where it feels like everything stops and there is no way out.
She doesn’t answer me.
“I’m not going to push you, Tati. I just want to check on you. I’m not even going to ask if you’re okay, because I know you’re not, but I just want to let you know I’m here. No matter what, I’m here.”
“Aggie is your best friend,” she finally whispers, low. “Don’t act like you’d ever take my side over hers.”
“You’re my best friend, too, Tati,” I say, not offended by her words. “And I’m not taking sides.”
She exhales. “I know you’re not, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“It hurts,” she whispers, and another tear falls. “It hurts because I would expect something like that from Rachel, but never Aggie.”
“It’s probably worth nothing right now,” I say, carefully. “But what she did was wrong, however I don’t think it was to hurt you.”
“She basically destroyed my career.”
“It won’t be over for you, this will all be forgotten. You’re an incredible dancer, Tati.”
She turns to me. “What you don’t understand is that they already told me I’m not getting any chances as a lead now. I have basically been stood down.”
I exhale. “We’ll work it out, I promise you.”
She shakes her head. “Believe me, it isn’t going to make a difference. You can all try and do something but it is done for me, I have a mark against my name and nobody is going to take me further knowing that.”
She’s probably right, but that doesn’t mean we won’t do everything we can.
“I know it isn’t just on her,” she goes on, “I know I fucked up. I was using, that’s on me, but she’s my best friend... that alone is fucking enough, right?”
“Yeah,” I say softly, staring out at the horizon.
That’s when I notice it.
A ship.
Closer than the last, but enough for me to see it looks the same as the one that stopped.