Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63638 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 318(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63638 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 318(@200wpm)___ 255(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
I lift my gaze sharply, surprised.
I shrug. “It is what it is. This is the life we chose.”
Sasha nods, but he doesn’t leave. Instead, he props a shoulder against the doorframe, folds his arms, and flashes a shit-eating grin that promises trouble.
“You know,” he says, drawing the words out like a long drag on a cigarette. “Apart from all this, you seem relaxed tonight.”
I narrow my eyes at him, but I don’t rise to the bait. He grins, cocky and unrelenting.
“Come on, man,” he drawls. “Don’t give me that look. I’m your brother. You’ve been different lately.”
I glance up from the screen. “Different how?” I scoff.
“I don’t know,” he drawls, drumming his fingers on the doorframe. “Softer. Distracted. Whipped, maybe?”
I snort and close the laptop. “Do you have a death wish?”
“No, but you do.” He points at me, grinning. “And her name is Nicole.”
I shake my head, but the ghost of a smile tugs at my mouth.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Admit it,” Sasha pushes. “You’ve got it bad for Nurse Nicole.”
I stay silent, which, unfortunately, is answer enough.
Sasha whistles low.
“Careful,” I warn, although my voice lacks bite.
“What?” he asks, laughing. “Are you going to deny it? That woman has you twisted in knots, big brother. And honestly, it’s about time.”
I stare at him for a long second. “She’s not just some woman.”
“I didn’t say she was. I’m saying you look at her like she might be the woman.”
My jaw tightens, the muscles flexing as I grind my teeth together.
“She’s…” I trail off, unsure how to explain something I barely understand myself. “She’s unexpected.”
Sasha lifts a brow. “You mean she wasn’t part of the plan? Welcome to life, Sergei. Shit happens.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He exhales, still watching me carefully. “Because of our world?”
“Because of all of it.” I glance out the window, at the inky blackness of the garden. “Because of the things I’ve done and the things I’ll probably have to keep doing.”
“So she doesn’t know anything about what you do?” Sasha asks, though it’s not really a question.
I shake my head once.
“Well,” he says slowly, “she’s living in your house, and she’s taking care of Mom. It won’t stay a secret for long. One way or another, she’s probably going to find out.”
“I know.” I sigh, my voice low and rough. “But I don’t know if I can stomach what happens when she does.”
Sasha falls quiet for a moment. Then, in a rare show of seriousness, he says, “You really care about her, don’t you? I’ve never seen you put in so much effort for a woman before.”
“Fine, you little shit. I care about her,” I admit.
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Holy shit. You’re in love with her!”
I roll my eyes, but there’s no bite to it.
“You should tell her,” he says.
I tense. “Tell her what?”
“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I groan, dropping my head into my hands. “When she finds out what I do, she’ll probably run for the hills.”
“You don’t know that,” he says softly.
“I just don’t want to hand her a reason to run,” I admit. “I don’t think I could handle that. Maybe it’s better you interrupted us tonight.”
He studies me in silence for a moment.
“If she’s the right one, nothing you say will scare her off.” His words carry more wisdom than I’ve ever given him credit for.
“I don’t know if she’s the right one,” I shoot back. “I just know I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since the night we met.”
Sasha sighs and pushes off the wall. “Look, all I’m saying is you don’t have to be alone just because of what you do. Lots of men in your position are happily married.”
I don’t respond to that. Who said anything about marriage? I shoot him an annoyed look and turn back to the computer, trying in earnest to focus on the numbers swimming before me. He finally gets the hint and leaves, the echo of his boots fading down the hallway.
I sit there long after he’s gone, turning his words over and over. I’ve always believed there’s no room for softness in my world, that opening up to anyone is a fatal mistake. I assumed love was a weakness men like me couldn’t afford, despite the proof of my parents’ marriage. For the first time in my life, I’m starting to question that belief.
What if she’s not a weakness? What if she’s the one thing that makes all of this worth it? Which isn’t to say I’m ready to take that step with her. We have a good rapport and explosive chemistry, but I’m nowhere near dropping to one knee. I just want time to find out whether there’s more here than blistering chemistry.
But the lingering thought remains. Once I tell her who I am, once I show her the darker side of my world, I risk losing her. I’ll keep her close for as long as I can, even if that means I can’t have her in every way I crave.