Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 113270 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 566(@200wpm)___ 453(@250wpm)___ 378(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113270 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 566(@200wpm)___ 453(@250wpm)___ 378(@300wpm)
She covers her mouth, instant emotion shining in her sweet eyes.
Tears fall unchecked down my cheeks. I choke trying to clear my throat, but I don’t stop. I can’t now. With news like this, the only way to get through it all is to free-fall.
“I was too late that day. The electrical short that caused the fire spread through the entire attic first, before Abigail and Lucy even knew it was burning. It was early, just after sunrise, so they were in bed, and by the time the alarms went off, collapse was already starting. I couldn’t get in, and they couldn’t get out. The only reason I’m alive is because Randy pulled me out after I’d gone unconscious. He was a firefighter with Elgin, too. Same station as me. Same shift that day when we got…the call.” My whole body quakes with grief and sadness and shame—for failing and, especially, for the unfortunate truth of my next admission. “For a long time, I really wished Randy hadn’t saved me.”
“Tad.” My name in her voice is soft. Broken. Tortured. It’s all the things I’ve been feeling on my own for the last ten years in living color—all the weight I’ve been carrying in undeniable sound—and somehow, the pit I thought had been permanently carved in my stomach is suddenly gone because I’ve shared the burden with her. My spine is straighter; my heart is stronger. I can breathe.
It’s raw, inflamed—just like my throat is from inhaling so much smoke—but for the first time since it happened, it feels like there’s a chance it could heal.
“Today, Breezy. Today is the first time since it happened, I’ve seen the blessing in him pulling me out. Being with you. Making this baby—this beautiful miracle together—it’s the happy ending I never thought I’d have. Never thought I deserved.” My whole body shakes. “I think they sent you to me, Abigail and Lucy. I think they helped save you today.”
Tears stream down Breezy’s cheeks, and her hand covers mine as I cradle her face in my palm. The earnest burn in my chest pulls my next words from somewhere deep inside.
“I love you, Breezy. With my entire being, including the parts I thought died with them. You make me want to be more. Better. You make me want to live again.”
49
Breezy
Fingers in Tad’s brown hair and thumb at his pink, tear-drenched lips, I fall into the comfort of his warm eyes and let his words wash over me.
His unbearable grief, his willingly shared love—his declaration that I, somehow, have given him the will to live out loud again.
I don’t feel worthy of the crowning, but I know with every shred of my being I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to live up to it.
Because for as much as Tad thinks I’ve saved him, he’s saved me.
I was whirring through life with little to no regard for any of the parts of it that truly mean something. Love, purpose, joy—I gave them all up for success.
“I don’t know that I’ll ever find the words to express how much it means to me that I’m able to give you your life back.” I cup his cheek in the palm of my hand, and he leans into it. “The words to express my gratitude for you sharing this giant piece of yourself with me—for trusting me with it. The words to tell you just how much I hope Abigail and Lucy and Summer have somehow found company with one another in heaven until the rest of us get there.”
My voice shakes as tears steal its steadiness, but I keep going.
“But Tad, I will spend all of my days trying to find them. I will spend all of my days telling you I love you, thanking Abigail and Lucy for sending you to me, and finding the absolute joy in the privilege of being with you. Because you saved my life too, and baby, I don’t just mean today.”
His lips find my knuckles and then my arm and my cheek and my lips, and then we’re kissing, deep and slow and so soul-exposing, I’d feel it in another universe.
“I love you,” I whisper, breathless and desperate to say it again as soon as he pulls back enough to let me.
“I love you too.”
Pulling gently at his biceps, I direct him up and into the bed with me until we’re hip-to-hip and head-to-head. He intertwines our fingers, rubbing at the backs of my knuckles with the other hand.
“So, from fireman to…sheep farmer?”
He chuckles, a soft sadness metering the tone. “I needed something as far away from my old life as I could think of.”
“And Randy?”
“Left his whole damn life and career in Chicago…” He pauses, shaking his head, and his hair rubs against the side of my cheek. “To follow me to Red Bridge and face the consequences of his actions…saving my life when I didn’t want it saved.” Glancing around, he surveys the room. “Speaking of…where is everyone? Don’t get me wrong. I needed this time with you, but I can’t believe our families willingly gave it.”