Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Now we're down to one last task and I don't know what to do. I don't like that he hurt himself on this last one. It fills me with guilt. It wasn't like I demanded he break his ankle. It wasn't like I dug the pit that he fell into. It wasn't like I pushed him in.
But I feel responsible all the same. He was out hunting for this plant because I'd demanded it. It was because of me he was so far from the village. If he'd been closer, the healer would have gotten to him faster. Instead, they had to travel several days back to the village, and by that time, the damage was done.
Now that he's back? I'm feeling doubly guilty, because I've been avoiding him.
It hasn't been too hard to dodge him — Valmir's been staying in Veronica's lodge. As the healer, she has a section of her home partitioned off for her patients, and he's been staying there. Since I'm not injured, it's been easy to avoid seeing him. Valmir probably thinks I'm mad that he didn't bring home the plant.
I've forgotten all about the plant. I'm avoiding him because I don't want to fling myself onto his injured body and fuck him senseless. I don't want to weep about how he got himself hurt and scared the shit out of me. I don't want him to know that I've had sleepless nights ever since he didn't come back on time and it's made me question everything.
Pushing resonance for this long has been a miserable experience. At first, it was fun. Acknowledging that resonance was making me crazy with need for him made it easier to push it aside. It was just biology having its way with us, and being able to say "no" added a bit of spice to the situation. Each time we frantically touched each other, it still felt easy enough to say no, to shut things down before they went too far.
As time passes, though, the "no" becomes less easy. Instead of feeling in control, I feel frayed.
My nerves are shot. My sleep is terrible. I've masturbated more times than any human possibly should, and it doesn't help the situation. My body wants Valmir. My body wants a baby from Valmir. That's the trickiest part of all. How am I going to start a family with a man who's a loner?
I bite back the urge to explain myself to Sabrina. Of course she's going to try and make me feel guilty. She hasn't resonated. She doesn't get it.
Then I feel guilty because I know that Sabrina isn't petty like that. It's not her making me feel guilty — it's my own guilty conscience. Sabrina has been peppy and friendly and understanding this entire time. I'm reading too much into everything. Just because I overheard their conversation doesn't mean they're guilting me.
I should probably check on the son of a bitch, just to ease my own mind.
I finish peeling the last root in my lap with quick, sharp strikes of the knife. I put the rest of the roots in the basket at my feet and then get up. "Hey, Tal'nef, if you're sharpening knives, can you do this one? It could use a little love."
And it'll give him an excuse to hang out near Bianca a bit longer. He takes it from me with a quiet smile. "I will sharpen for you, yes."
I could swear he looks a bit bashful. He probably feels obvious as hell.
I dust my hands off on my tunic and head across the encampment, waving to people as they pass and calling out greetings. Corvak and Gren have their heads together, discussing how to butcher a kill. Aidy and Willa sit nearby, talking and playing with Willa's son. O'jek is with his mate, holding a basket and trailing after her. Bridget is talking animatedly to A'tam, and there are others fishing down by the shore. Everywhere I look, there are happy pairs.
Of course they're happy. They're not stuck with Valmir.
The inner guilt strikes me again. It's not that Valmir is bad. I find a lot of his dark humor pretty funny. It's that he never knows when to be quiet and polite. He's like a damn...feral cat. He doesn't know how to be housebroken.
The thought amuses me far more than it should.
I head to Veronica's hut. She shares a huge one with Ashtar, the dragon-shifter guy. The visiting flap is over the door, so I jingle the heavy shell chime that acts like a doorbell. A moment later, Veronica appears, baby on her hip and her toddler at her feet. "I was wondering if we were going to see you soon," she says. "Come on in."
Great. Now Veronica's making me feel guilty.
Veronica and Ashtar are a strange pair to me. Ashtar, the golden gladiator, loves to run around naked and is very cognizant of how attractive he is. He loves attention and showing off. Veronica is the opposite of Ashtar. She's quiet and mousy and so mild in appearance that I'd struggle to pick her out of a lineup. She's just sort of...there. But I've also seen how Ashtar is with her — he utterly worships the ground she walks upon. It's the khui working its magic, of course. There's no logical way these polar opposites would be together otherwise, and yet they're happily mated and making babies.