Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Given everything we’ve been through in the past week, I know what he’s capable of. Am I being insanely naive to think I could never be in danger with him?
I sigh, bracing my head in my hands.
“What are you thinking?” he asks me.
“I don’t know, Tor. A lot of things. You’re not the easiest guy to trust, and I had no idea you were… tracking and surveilling me, so what else don’t I know?”
He sighs. “I don’t do it all the time. I didn’t plan to do it today, but you didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and I was curious how the conversation with your mom went. There was no suspicion of you whatsoever. It was just the easiest way to find out what happened without making you rehash it. Then I heard it, and I just fucking saw red. I didn’t even think about this coming out. I just needed to get you out of there.”
“Were you ever planning to tell me?”
“Of course I wasn’t.”
I sigh. “That’s a terrible answer.”
“I know, but it’s the truth. Do you want me to lie?”
“No, of course I don’t want you to lie to me, but I want to know I can trust you, and I want you to trust me.”
“I do trust you, Cassie, but I put my entire life on the line for you when I wasn’t even sure how you would react. I did it because I wanted to make things right for you, but I have been completely aware of the risks I’m taking every step of the way—for someone who, up until about a week ago, hated my fucking guts. I needed to have some kind of warning if you were going to turn on me so I had a chance to think about how to save my ass the same way I saved yours.”
“Are you going to keep doing it?”
He hesitates.
“Don’t lie,” I say.
“I wasn’t going to lie. I was just thinking. I don’t lie to you, Cassie. I deliberately do not lie to you.”
I blow out a breath, looking out the windshield, then back over at him. I can tell he’s frustrated, and I know I need to try to relax. He is always navigating us out of tight corners, but right now, I’m the one who has him cornered. I need to let him know I’m not mad, just uncertain.
The best way I can think to do it quickly is to touch him, so I reach over and slide my fingers through his hair, caressing the back of his neck. Instantly, I feel some of the tension melt out of him. “Thank you for coming over to get me. I don’t know how I feel about the way you found out, but I very much appreciate that your first instinct was to get me out of there.”
He looks over at me, but only for a second, then his eyes are back on the road.
“I don’t want to fight about this,” I tell him. “I don’t want to fight with you at all. There are just… factors in our relationship that aren’t exactly normal because of the way this all started, and I’m trying my best to navigate them.”
“I get that,” he says, and his tone is much calmer than it was a minute ago.
“There is a part of me that feels afraid of what I know you’re capable of.”
My heart sinks a little as soon as the words are out, but unlike earlier with my mom, I do feel secure enough with Tor to gamble by telling him this truth. I think he’ll understand.
“And… last night, I didn’t run from you because I didn’t want to walk past the spot where Tim died.”
“I know you didn’t,” he murmurs lowly.
“I got spooked.” I swallow. “I don’t like having those thoughts, and I even understand it might be slightly hypocritical because you know the same thing about me, and you certainly don’t seem remotely cautious.”
“It’s not the same,” he says, his voice flat but understanding. “I could overpower you a lot easier than you could overpower me.”
“Exactly,” I say softly, not loving the wording, but… it’s the truth. “Plus, you know why I did it, and that doesn’t apply to you, so… you don’t really have to worry that I would…”
I don’t finish the sentence, but I don’t really need to. He knows what I’m saying.
“But it’s different for you. I know that you’re capable of taking out someone you consider a threat, and I know there could be circumstances where… I could be a threat.”
Tor shakes his head. My fingers are still in his hair, but I let my hand fall now.
“So, finding out that you’ve been keeping an eye on me without my knowledge or consent does bring to mind those fears. What if you had heard something you didn’t like? I feel like we got a lot closer last night, and that put a lot of these thoughts out of my head, but not far enough that finding this out today… it just makes me uneasy.”