Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 84370 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84370 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 422(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
I need to see her again.
“Copeland, if I’ve learned anything in this life, it’s that tomorrow is never promised. You have to live each day to its fullest. You’ve been hiding from your feelings for that girl for far too long. It kept you from coming home more than you could have.”
I want to tell her that she’s wrong, but that would be a lie. I’ll never lie to my mother. “It’s been so long.”
“The years have passed, but from what I just witnessed in my kitchen, your feelings remain the same.”
I don’t say anything because I don’t know how to respond. Do I admit that I want her words to be true? That if Ellison were mine again, I’d make sure she knew what she meant to me every damn day.
Do I tell her that she hurt me, and that even though I love her with everything I am, I don’t know if that’s enough to get past the pain of living without her all of these years?
“Life is short, Copeland. You have to make it the best you can. You have to fight for happiness. You love her.”
It’s not a question. As I said, my mom has always been able to read my brother and me like an open book.
“The question is, what are you going to do with that love?” Leaning over, she kisses my cheek. “Take all the time you need. I’m going to make us an early dinner before you get settled in at the Manor.” She stands and makes her way to the door. “Cope, I’m so happy to have you home. I’ve missed you.” With that, the sound of the door opening and closing fills the air.
What are you going to do with that love?
Mom’s question repeats over and over in my mind. I don’t know what to do with the love I have for Ellison. It feels too big for my chest, too big to put into words. The only thing I do know is that my love for her… is never going away.
Now, I have to decide how to handle that.
Do I ignore it? Embrace it? Do I fight for her, for us to have our second chance?
Five
Ellison
* * *
My lip quivers, so I bite into it, trying to make it stop. My hands tremble as a sob breaks free from my chest. My vision starts to blur, and I’m thankful I’m driving just next door. I pull my car into the driveway and turn off the engine. I was supposed to return to the Manor to finish some paperwork after I visited with Mary, but as life tends to do for my sisters and me, it threw a wrench into my plans.
He wasn’t supposed to be there.
Mary assured me he was coming home tomorrow. I wanted to visit with her before her appointment on Friday. I’ve called her every day and visited her a few times since Chandler dropped the news of her illness on my sisters and me last week.
Grabbing my keys, purse, and phone, I rush from the car and into the house. I don’t need anyone seeing me like this. It’s been so long since I’ve laid eyes on him that I didn’t know how I would feel, but I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect the pain to feel like a knife twisting in my chest. What’s worse is the longing I could see in his eyes. I felt it deep in my soul, but too much time has passed.
He left me without a word. He just left without sharing his plans with me. No explanation, no phone call, no carrier pigeon. Nothing. Not a word, and that hurts.
It’s an ache deep inside me. It’s rooted in a space that will forever remember the pain, the nights I cried myself to sleep, and the reality of moving on with my life. A life that I’d planned around him. Around the love of my life.
In my room, I close the door, toss my stuff to the floor, and curl up on the bed. Here in the safety of my childhood bedroom, I let the tears flow freely. I don’t try to mask what seeing him again has done to me. Instead, I unleash it. I allow myself to feel every ache and every tear as it slides across my cheek, soaking into my pillow.
Eventually, the tears subside, and I know I need to pull myself together. I allowed myself a moment to expel the pain, but life must go on. I can’t stay locked in my room, dreaming of what could have been, when I need to be living in the present. I have supplies to order, and I need to check in with Macklin on the new horse feed. It’s from a different supplier, which saves us a significant amount of money each month through bulk orders. I need to see if the horses are taking well to it or not.