Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129881 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 649(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
“I know. But we’ll be okay, remember?”
He pushes up his sleeve and shows me his arm.
I do the same and show him mine.
Then Felix leans in for a brief kiss and drops his head onto my shoulder while he raises his phone, opening up our texts again, and I watch him screenshot our most recent conversation and then upload the images to a folder in his Google Drive.
“Holy shit.” I chuckle.
Felix raises his head to look at me and asks, “Did you see me do that?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Let me explain. I know it’s a little weird, but I just worry I’ll lose everything we’ve ever—”
He shuts his mouth and stares at my phone screen when I show him my own Drive pulled up, and the only folder I’ve created so far. With his name.
“Do you think I’d risk losing any of those selfies you’ve sent me?” I ask. “I always back up my shit. Well. The important shit, anyway.”
“We both do.”
“Looks like it.”
“See. This is why we’re fucking soulmates, Jake. And best friends.” He quickly whips his head around before adding, “Sorry, big bro. That spot was never yours.”
I sit forward and grin at my brother. “Hear that? Never yours, just like I fucking said.”
CJ keeps his eyes on the road and mumbles something about the longest six hours of his life before turning up the radio.
Kings of Leon fills the cab.
I look over at Felix and find he’s already looking at me, smiling.
“We’ll be okay,” he tells me, knowing I need to hear it again.
Then he drops his head on my shoulder and I look out the windshield, hoping to feel this good the rest of the drive.
Spoiler alert: I don’t.
My anxiety comes on in waves over the next four hours, and it’s the most annoying fucking thing.
One minute I’m smiling and laughing with Felix and the next, I’m struggling to breathe through the pain in my chest and wringing out my hands and turning my head so no one sees my eyes filling with tears. I feel fine one minute and sick and light-headed the next. At one point during the drive, I nearly puke.
And even though I’m shit at hiding what’s happening, I still try.
When Felix searches my face and questions me with or without words, I play it off. I’m okay. I should’ve eaten something this morning. I get car sick sometimes. Maybe some of what I’m feeling is the drugs leaving my system. Maybe not. I just know one thing.
I want this and need this, and I’m absolutely terrified of it.
What if I can’t do rehab again?
We’re pushing five hours when my brother pulls off the highway for gas, and I opt to stay in the truck while CJ watches the pump and Felix heads inside to take a piss, so I’m alone when the next surge of panic hits me.
I scrub at my face for the thousandth time, then I drop my head back against the seat and squeeze my eyes shut.
I concentrate on my breathing, in and out through my nose. Long, deep breaths that do fuck all for me. Nothing I do helps.
I can’t shake this, and I know it’s just going to get worse the closer we get.
What the fuck am I going to do?
CJ opens the driver’s side door and sticks his head in to ask, “I’m grabbing something to drink. Do you want anything?”
My smile is so fucking fake. “I’m good.”
The door shuts just as my phone vibrates in my pocket, and with rigid fingers, I pull it out and stare at the screen, and I really don’t believe in fate or any heavy romantic shit like that, so please explain to me how Felix knows I need him right now?
can u come here pls?
I climb out of the truck and jog across the parking lot, following into the small convenience store behind a few people.
CJ’s already standing in line at the register and lifts his chin when he spots me.
I return the greeting and then glance around for Felix, peering down the three aisles and not finding him. I shoot him a text.
where r u
bathroom
I walk toward the back of the store where the restroom sign is hanging from the ceiling with an arrow pointing down a short hallway. I slip down it.
I collide with someone exiting the women’s room, apologize, and push the door open for the men’s. I step inside.
There’s a guy finishing up at one of the urinals, and… that’s it.
“Felix?”
The middle stall door opens, and he peers around it, smiling. “Hello.”
And how do I already feel better?
I walk over and he grabs my wrist and pulls me inside the stall, and I have to wrap my arms around him and basically hover us over the fucking toilet so he can get the door closed. And we’re both laughing now.