Total pages in book: 254
Estimated words: 240032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1200(@200wpm)___ 960(@250wpm)___ 800(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 240032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1200(@200wpm)___ 960(@250wpm)___ 800(@300wpm)
I had never really asked for more than I had or more than I needed. I knew in some way that I’d always had more than most people could or would. The things I might have wanted, I knew to an extent could never really be mine.
But all of a sudden, right then, I thought about one more thing that I wished I could have. One more thing I wanted. So, so much.
This stunning, strong-willed, teasing man.
Amber irises didn’t leave mine even when he towered over me. His face sober. His smile gone.
I tried to muster one up for him, but I didn’t think my effort was that convincing. He had to be able to see right through it. He could probably see right into me—the longing, how much I’d just enjoyed the moment. How a part of me wished he would’ve finished saying what he’d been in the middle of.
And more.
But it had ended and everything was back to normal, and I knew in my heart that I was never going to hear the end of his sentence. More than that, I was never going to get what I wanted either. Even if I really wished I could.
Chapter
Seventeen
“Put me on Zoom when you go on your dates.”
I leaned away from my phone, my back bumping into the massive tree trunk behind me and burst out laughing. “The hell I will.”
Matti’s familiar face took up my entire screen, showing me that he’d regained all the weight he’d lost when he’d gotten sick. He’d announced a couple weeks ago that he was never going to look at a hot dog again. “I can help you screen them,” he insisted, leaning even more into his camera. He had been eating his lunch right up until I told him about all the men in the kitchen and the schedule that Franklin had mentioned. I hadn’t gotten around to sharing that I wasn’t sure how I felt about any of it though.
He’d claimed he didn’t remember that part—the speed dating aspect. I believed him, but it wouldn’t have made a difference to me being here or not if I’d known ahead of time. I was just happy to see his face for a little bit. It had been weeks since our last video call. I’d been busy, he’d been busy, and we’d been texting every few days and sending funny videos on our social media accounts that we only used for that reason.
“I don’t need you helping screen them from a distance. If you were here and you could smell their intentions, that’d be a different story, but you’re off living your big-city boy life.” I shook my head. “I’m not video calling you.”
“Record the dates and we can analyze them afterward,” he tried with a straight face.
I scoffed. “I want to think you’re joking, but I know you’re not.”
“I’m not,” Matti confirmed. “Sienna and I both agree we deserve to have a say in who you mate with because we’re going to have to put up with them too. Ask her.”
I tilted my head to the side.
He huffed. “At least tell me their names before, and I’ll give you my input, if I know them or not.”
“Fine, we’ll start there. I have a list going already, but I don’t know anyone’s names, just what they look like,” I explained.
He laughed before suddenly sobering in a way that reminded me of Henri going back and forth between being Teasing Henri and Serious Henri. Matti leaned forward, so close I could only see his lips. “Nina,” he tried to whisper, “don’t let Henri see it.”
“Why?” I whispered back for some reason, confused.
His lips kept taking up the screen. “Just trust me.”
I trusted him with my life, but…. I kept my voice the same volume. “I already talked to him about what you said. Two or three times. He’s not… he’s not interested.”
I wanted to tell him about that yearning little thought that hadn’t left me since the night Henri and I’d been alone outside together, but this wasn’t the time or the place, and that wasn’t a conversation I could see myself having with Matti. He could know all about me being bloated and having terrible gas from eating raw broccoli, but about my feelings toward his cousin?
I could just imagine it: Hey, Matti, I think I might be a little in love with your cousin, but just a little bit. What do you think?
Best-case scenario: he’d probably fall out of his chair laughing.
But before anything else could be said, he made a face. One I recognized. It was a young Matti face. The one he’d made when he knew he’d done something wrong and was trying not to get busted.
It put me on red alert.
“What?” I drew the question out.
The camera panned back. He reached for his throat and adjusted the pale gray tie tucked into a slate blue vest. He gave me a side-eye that confirmed I wasn’t in the wrong for getting wary. “My cousin is an idiot.” He squinted. “Don’t tell him I said that.”