Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 123575 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 618(@200wpm)___ 494(@250wpm)___ 412(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 123575 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 618(@200wpm)___ 494(@250wpm)___ 412(@300wpm)
My cock hardens despite my attempts to focus. It’s not supposed to be this way. Lilian is a pawn. Another way to hurt Aries. A loaded weapon to be used at my disposal. I tell myself these things, but I don’t believe them. If only I could forget the feel of her waist beneath my hands. The slight catch in her breath when I pulled her close.
It’s only because she thought I was him.
It felt good to be seen, to be wanted, to have someone look at me like they gave a shit. Even if the only person she saw when she looked at me was Aries.
Fuck me.
I shut off the water with unnecessary force. Lilian is a complication I don’t need. Hurrying from the shower, I dry off and get dressed in a pair of sweatpants before I move to my planning table and spread out the surveillance photos.
Aries’s face stares back at me from dozens of angles. He’s the reason we’re here, the target of my revenge, and still, my eyes gravitate to the few images of Lilian I have.
She’s a threat. A fucking complication. She needs to be eliminated so the plan can be carried out without a problem. But the thought of harming her, of hurting her, makes me sick to my stomach. Never mind how angry realizing that makes me.
I try to refocus my attention, staring at the blueprint of Aries’s office at Hayes Industries. The one he, I, haven’t even claimed yet. The one Father hopes Aries will occupy permanently one day. Phase two of the plan involves getting inside and accessing certain files before the old man can destroy them.
Evidence of what they did, not just to me but to others. The safety deposit box key is still in Aries’s desk at the Mill House. I’ll need to retrieve that before anyone notices he’s missing.
Lilian’s pretty blue eyes flash in my mind, along with the hunger there that sparked a raging inferno of emotions that I hadn’t ever felt before. I slam my fist against the table in frustration, the action causing papers to fly everywhere. This isn’t part of the plan. Lilian was supposed to be peripheral damage, collateral in my war against the Hayes family and my brother.
Not...whatever the fuck this is. Someone who sees me. The real me.
Emotions have a habit of causing missteps, and one mistake could cost me everything. I grab a bottle of whiskey from the shelf, remove the top with my teeth and bring it to my lips. The burn does nothing to erase the memory of her scent, that mix of expensive perfume carrying notes of vanilla with hints of caramel. Then there’s the way she felt in my arms during that dance. Fragile but unyielding.
The alcohol hits my empty stomach, spreading warmth through my veins.
Why did I do it? I shouldn’t have touched her. Should have maintained distance like Aries does. Fuck, I’m not as strong as my brother in this category. The temptation was too strong—to take something else that belongs to him, to feel what he denies himself. It’s as clear as day that he’s denying them both. The way she melted into my touch told me everything I needed to know about their dynamic. He keeps her at arm’s length.
Why? What is he afraid of?
My hand moves to the waistband of my sweatpants, slipping beneath. I shouldn’t. It’s a weakness, a distraction. Masturbation is normal. Sex is an outlet, but it becomes something else entirely when you start thinking of someone else while you do it. I remind myself of these things, but it doesn’t work. I’m desperate, fucking needy, and my balls feel like they might explode.
Images of Lilian flood my mind, her eyes watching me, her body pressed against mine, what she might look like without that expensive dress on. I reach for the ball band on my nightstand. It’s a tight rubber ring with metal spikes on the inside. It helps me whenever I need to get off. A mixture of pain and pleasure, sometimes the only way I can get off after years of the institution’s chemical castration drugs.
I slide it on, gritting my teeth at the bite of metal against my sensitive flesh. The pain centers me and reminds me of who I am. Not Aries with his easy privilege and clean conscience. I’m the one they tried to erase, the one who survived their attempts to reprogram me.
My strokes quicken, becoming punishing rather than pleasurable.
In my mind, Lilian watches with those perceptive eyes, seeing the monster they created. Fuck, yes. Look at me. Watch the monster as he falls apart. Would she be scared if she saw me right now? Something in her calls to me, challenges me. If she were here right now, I think she would move closer. I think she would be curious, maybe even want to experience it.