Total pages in book: 401
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
“Cas,” I whispered. When he didn’t stop, I followed. “Casteel.”
He still didn’t stop. And he didn’t look back as he reached the hall.
Let him go, Kieran told me through the notam. Give him time.
I planted my hand against the wall as the door shut behind Casteel.
There was silence, an aching quiet that was so unfamiliar. I felt lost in it as I backed away, so lost I had no idea how to get back to where I was supposed to be. Where he was supposed to be.
“I never wanted him to think…” My voice caught as I turned. I could feel the tears burning my eyes. “I never wanted to cause problems between you two.”
“I know,” Kieran said, his tone too soft, too gentle as he stood. “And he knows that, too.”
“He does?” I blinked rapidly to keep the tears back.
Kieran stepped closer. “He knows he would never be able to put you in the ground. That’s what’s pissing him off. It makes him feel…” He shook his head, his shoulders rising. “Weak. As if he can’t control everything. And in case you haven’t noticed, he has control issues.”
“No, really?” I laughed, and it sounded all wrong. “Oh, gods, Kieran, I’m sorry. I should’ve—”
“Stop.” He grabbed my shoulders. “You did what you felt was right. It wasn’t completely wrong, and you’ve accepted what you did. You’ve apologized. Now, it’s on him.”
I pressed my lips together.
“He needs to do what you said. He’s got to stop lying to himself.” He ran a thumb over my cheek. “And you know this isn’t easy on him. It’s not easy on me. The only difference is, I know my limitations. He…” His gaze moved toward the door, and his features tensed before smoothing out. “He’s always struggled with that.”
It was hard to imagine Casteel struggling with anything, but I knew that was foolish of me.
“You need to focus on what is to come tomorrow,” he continued after a ragged breath. “You think you can do that?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “Yes, I can.”
“I know. I just needed to hear you say it.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. And then he pulled me to him. “It’ll be okay.”
Would it?
I dropped my forehead against his chest. It wasn’t entirely graceful. I might’ve hurt him a little, to be honest. “Will it be okay?” I’d sensed Casteel’s emotions. He’d felt a lot—some things more concerning than others. But there was… There had been an acidic bitterness that had quickly soured. “He felt betrayal. How do you get past that?”
“You would know.” He smoothed a hand over the back of my head. “You did.”
He was right. But this…felt different.
“I hope Cas was right,” Kieran said after a few moments.
“About what?”
“That Attes is in love with you.”
“What the fuck?” I groaned and pulled back. I’d momentarily forgotten about that.
Kieran chuckled. “Hey, all I’m saying is that it makes me more confident in his ability to back you up.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to even think about that.”
“Probably a good thing.” He paused. “When’s the last time you fed?”
“Last night.”
“That’s good, but do you need to feed again?”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel weak at all.” Which was true, but I could tell Kieran was worried. I knew he was on the verge of offering, but I couldn’t do that right now. Letting out a breath, I drew in a deeper one. “You should see if you can find Cas. Talk to him. Not for me. For you two.”
“I doubt he wants to see me right now.”
“You know that’s not true.”
Kieran’s brows rose in doubt.
“Go,” I urged him. “I need time to pull myself together because I still need to speak to Attes about tomorrow.”
Kieran hesitated. “You sure?”
I nodded.
“All right. I’ll see if I can find the asshole.”
My lips curved into a weak grin. “If you do, can you tell him that I…”
“I’ll tell him,” he said, knowing what I couldn’t say without bursting into tears.
“Thank you.”
Kieran’s warm lips pressed against my forehead. The touch lingered in the minutes after he left. I wished it’d lasted longer because I kept seeing the glassiness in Casteel’s eyes, remembering the feeling and taste of the betrayal he felt.
I smacked my hands over my face and breathed deeply. I couldn’t cry. If I did, I wouldn’t stop. I didn’t have time for that.
Because betrayal wasn’t the only thing I’d sensed.
There’d also been determination.
Casteel hadn’t really agreed to stay back. Deep down, I knew it was impossible.
He wouldn’t be able to.
It wasn’t in him.
And I loved him even more for that.
I just hoped he loved me enough to forgive me for what I was about to do.
Lowering my hands, I looked down at them. The fingertips were smudged with red.
Blood tears.
I wiped them on my pants and not the pretty tunic.