Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
He thrusts again and when I try to kiss him, he draws back, gripping my jaw instead, eyes locked on mine.
“You are not his.” He repeats it like a mantra, each thrust driving the point home. Each thrust forcing the breath from me.
We’re not making love, but it’s not love making I want.
He’s taking me back. Claiming me as his again. That’s what this is. And I want to be claimed by him because maybe in that claiming, maybe in this violent fucking, I will be cleansed. Forgiven.
Maybe, I will belong to Cassian again.
Fresh tears roll down my temples. I am married to Malek Lombardi. I’m married to fucking Malek Lombardi because I’m a coward. A fucking coward. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself so much.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, touching his face, wiping away the smear of blood. “I’m so sorry.”
He fucks me harder, cock thick inside me, too big, too painful and growing still. When he finally throbs his release, I don’t think he takes any pleasure in it. Not this time. He stills inside me, our breaths pants and he cups my face, thumbs wiping away tears, leaving blood smears behind.
“I’m going to make a widow out of you, Allegra,” he says. “I’m going to kill Malek Lombardi with my bare hands and make a widow out of you.”
17
CASSIAN
We stand under the flow of hot water, our faces not an inch apart. She touches my cheek, her fingers trembling.
“I sometimes don’t understand why you want me,” she says.
“What kind of thing is that to say?”
“I’m broken, Cassian,” she says quietly. “You can’t ever fix me. The damage is too deep inside me.”
I brush hair from her face, and cup her cheeks. “All that damage, Allegra, it’s what makes you you. And I wouldn’t have you any other way. I wouldn’t want you any other way. I don’t want to fix you. I don’t want to change a single thing about you. I’ve been alone for a very long time. I thought I would always be alone. Hell, I deserve to be. But then there you were, walking into that study with those wings on your back like a lost little angel. I knew then. I fell then. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.”
A fresh tear slides down her cheek. I watch its progress, lean in to kiss it, taste the salt of it.
“I love you,” I whisper against her ear. “I love you exactly as you are.”
She clings tighter to me. She doesn’t say the words, but I don’t need her to. I think I know her heart by now.
The water begins to cool, and I reluctantly switch off the shower. I wrap Allegra in a towel and dry her off.
“Where is my mother’s ring?” she asks, once we’re dressed as if just remembering it. I’ve been waiting for her to ask.
“I’ve got it in a safe place.”
“I want it.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
That makes her pause. “It was her ring. It’s a part of her. I want it.”
“Not now. Let a little time pass.”
“No, Cassian, I—”
“Allegra,” I start, rubbing her arms. “Just give it a little time. Please.”
For a moment I’m not sure she will, but when she says what she says next, I know she’s choosing her battles. “I want to see Rami.”
“You don’t have to see him. Not ever.”
“I think I need to, Cassian.”
I consider her words. Did he lie when he said he raped her mother? Or did he tell the truth, and she knows? Either way, looking at her right now, I think she does need to see him. As much as I want to protect her from him, I think she needs this.
“I’ll take you down.”
We walk out of the bedroom. Neither of us looks at the bloody mess of Rami’s fingers on the floor and I ask Enzo to clean up, to flush them down the toilet for all I care.
I take Allegra to see him. Holding hands, fingers intertwined, we walk down the stairs together into that crypt and she doesn’t flinch at the sight of the first dead man. She steps over him, her eyes on Rami.
Rami who is still bleeding out. Who is almost gone.
I keep hold of her hand. Is it subconscious that I’m rubbing her ring finger? The rings I bought for us are upstairs, in my desk. This was all supposed to go so differently.
Allegra glances at the butcher’s block, the knife. If she feels anything at all at seeing them, I don’t see it on her face. Something has shifted for her. It’s as if that brokenness, that damage, she’s no longer fighting it. The opposite. She may be a little unhinged even. Just this side of wild.
When we get to the cell, I let go of her hand and follow her in. She’s barefoot. We both are. When she steps in the blood oozing out of Rami, I reach to stop her thinking she hasn’t seen it, but I realize she knows full well. She sees the blood and presses her bare feet in the puddle. It shows her strength. Her overcoming one of the many monsters in her life.