Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
I swallowed hard and decided the whiskey had to be warm enough now. I went over and grabbed it, then instantly dropped it. Fuck. Yeah, it was hot. I used the sleeve of my flannel shirt to hold it instead, and I returned to my seat.
I was careful at first, testing to see if the bottle was too hot to put my lips to, but it was okay. The first swig went down so warm and smooth that I went for a second right away.
Fuck me, I needed that.
Nate held out his hand, and I extended the bottle.
“It’s hot.”
He winced a little and used his own sleeve when he drank from it.
He didn’t cough like he sometimes did.
“Jesus, Ash. This might be your best blend yet.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded and took another sip.
I didn’t know why that made me wanna fucking cry, but my eyes stung and my chest swelled with emotion.
We grew quiet for a while and just passed the flask between us.
The fire was like a magnet. When I didn’t allow myself to look at Nathan, it was so easy to stare into the flames and get lost in our memories.
They’d become my steady companion on lonely nights in an empty apartment.
They comforted me as much as they crushed me to the point where it felt like my chest was about to cave in and I couldn’t breathe.
I released some smoke and leaned forward, resting my arms on my legs.
“This used to be one of my favorite moments on vacation,” he admitted. “After a long hike and hundreds of photos, make sure the kids are off to bed and then watch you smoke a cigar.”
I looked down at the cigar.
He’d sometimes sniff me after I’d smoked. I’d laugh and shake my head at him, and then we’d go to town on each other.
All those goddamn memories.
Nate took a big swig of the whiskey before handing me the flask. “Do you remember right before we got married, you and Theo stood outside the church?”
I furrowed my brow, thinking back.
“Not the front—you went out a side door or something,” he said. “I saw you when I went to get Hallie’s stuffie from the car. And you… You didn’t look nervous at all. You stood there with your brother, laughing and smoking a cigar. Like, you celebrated even before we’d said I do.”
I did remember that. I just didn’t know Nate had seen me.
“I wasn’t nervous,” I said quietly. “I was…certain.”
He sighed and turned toward me, hitching a leg over the log so he was facing me fully.
“Why did you close your Mclean account?”
That was the mother of topic changes.
I finished the last of the whiskey and thought of what to say. But in the end, had my answer changed any? Not really.
I tucked the empty flask into a pocket and returned my gaze to the fire.
“I guess I lost interest,” I murmured. “I’m no longer a husband, so I don’t have to give a shit either. I’ll stick to being a dad.”
I felt his eyes on me, and I refused to meet his gaze. I was in no mood to fight.
Besides, most of my kink memories had been sullied. In Boston, they had centered around Nathan and me testing the waters. Then, joining Mclean, the purpose had become blurry. I’d found fantastic friends, and I’d felt like I was a part of the machine that kept Mclean going. I’d helped plan events, I’d hosted demos, and I’d gotten to know some amazing people. But I hadn’t explored anything sexual for the Daddy Dom in me. Not once.
Mclean House mostly shone a light on my biggest act of cowardice. I didn’t need reminders.
“The guys ask about you sometimes,” Nate mentioned.
I’d made shit clear to them. I couldn’t be around that lifestyle anymore.
I did meet up with Kingsley and Penelope occasionally. But I was a coward with Pen. When we saw each other for coffee, I usually had one or two of the kids with me. The rest, I’d seen them once or twice. KC, Reese, Colt, Greer… I’d lost touch with Walker, and that was a damn shame. Maybe I could drive up to Boston and visit him sometime.
“I had lunch with Reid the other week,” I admitted. “He said if I ever wanna get back into kink, I’m welcome at Old Town.”
“Oh.”
I glanced at him. “It’d be weird if we were in the same community. Wouldn’t it?”
He turned pensive. “I don’t know. Perhaps in the beginning.”
I pulled from the cigar and blew the smoke skyward.
“But the only times we ran in the same circles were during some parties,” he reasoned. “I wouldn’t want you to stay away from your friends, Ash. I guess…what we could do is, you know, give each other space out there. Maybe when you’re there, I’ll stay home. I don’t know.”