Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
He nodded slowly.
“I think I need to hunt down a brat or throw some knives tonight,” he muttered.
I rubbed his thigh. Truth be told, I had zero desire to attend a kink party tonight, though I’d do it for him.
“I love you, Ash.”
He released a breath and leaned up against me, and he draped an arm around me. “I love you more.”
Impossible.
Do you remember that following Father’s Day? You came home from work with a card. You squeezed me tightly and kissed my temple as I read the words, “I don’t know when, but it is a when, not an if. Happy Father’s Day, baby.”
I still have that card in my nightstand drawer.
CHAPTER 4
Ten years ago
Boston
Ash Riley
Islammed the car door shut and released a breath, then basically hugged the wheel as I tried to get my shit together.
I couldn’t face Nathan until I’d pushed down all the anger in my body.
Work was over for the day, and now I had to…somehow put a smile on my face and prepare for John and Kirk’s baby shower tomorrow. They’d brought their new daughter home from South Korea last week, completing their family of six.
Nate and I had discussed trying international adoption, but something inside me couldn’t go through with it. I just fucking couldn’t. My brother and I were the products of broken families, and we had so many children right here in the US who needed a safe home. I’d been born an addict. My biological mother had been shooting up heroin throughout her pregnancy. My brother’s biological parents had lost custody before he’d turned one, and they were spending the rest of their lives in prison on trafficking charges and murder.
Deep breaths.
I couldn’t let our friends’ joyous occasion wreck my recovery from last year.
We’d been so close. So hopeful. Nathan had even bought a pair of baby socks.
And then…
“I’m sorry to let you know she’s changed her mind. She wants parents who will raise their child in a Christian home.”
I white-knuckled the wheel and drew a deep breath, and I held it until my lungs started burning.
Exhale slowly.
My phone buzzed with a message, and I dug it out of my pocket to see a text from Nate.
I’m not in the mood to cook. Can you pick up pizza on the way home? I know we’ve done that too much lately, but I’m just too tired.
I knew the feeling. We weren’t in the mood to do much of anything these days. Kink hadn’t been on our radar for months, and we’d stopped meeting up with friends.
The latter was mostly because they wanted to give friendly advice.
“Try surrogacy!”
“Have you considered adopting from another country?”
“You could adopt as single parents.”
“Well, it worked for my friends David and Tristan. They adopted twin boys in California last year.”
Good for David and Tristan.
Nate and I were still waiting for our sunshine story. We knew we could increase our chances by stating that one of us would be a stay-at-home parent or that we went to church or that we were single or that we weren’t gay—and thanks, but no.
I made my way home, the fight seeping out of me along the way, and I bought pizza at the place where Mario now knew our names and asked, “The usual, Ash?”
Yup, yup. The usual.
A few months later, we were slowly but surely coming out of our funk, but a rainy Thursday was enough for us to cancel our plans to attend a bondage demo, and we ordered Chinese and stayed on the couch.
“We’re so bad,” Nate chuckled, opening the containers on the coffee table.
I shrugged to myself, not giving a fuck. I had my favorite person in the world sitting right next to me. The parties and demos and seminars and hobbies could wait.
While he plated our food, I got the TV ready. We had three episodes of Mad Men and two episodes of Boardwalk Empire to catch up on.
“How did it go at work today, by the way?” I asked. “Did the little kid show up for his session?”
“He did—I was so relieved when I saw him,” he answered. “The more I talk to his aunt, the more I relax. She’s good for him. She’s in contact with social services to take him in permanently.”
That was good to hear. Good news concerning children who’d been in harm’s way would never get old.
“I think your phone’s ringing, honey.”
Was it? I sat up straighter, peering toward the hallway. Maybe he was right. I heard something vibrating, so I got off the couch and aimed for my discarded work pants.
“It’s Ma,” I said, taking the call. “Hey, Ma, what’s up?”
“Hi, love! I’ll cut right to it. Can you both call in sick tomorrow and drive down?”
I furrowed my brow. “Is everything okay? Is Dad all right?” He’d had knee surgery the other week.