Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
But like earlier, with my pain, I’m so tired. Tired of holding it in, tired of keeping this secret, so without looking at him, I say, “I’ll never like Crystal.”
I feel Eric’s frown. “How do you know? She’s really nice. She’s—”
“A girl,” I cut him off. “I’ll never like her because she’s a girl.”
The room is silent except for the pounding of my heart that I fear is so loud, Eric might hear it too.
Is this it? Is this the moment I lose my best friend? I swear it feels like ten hours pass before I finally don’t have it in me not to look at him, but when I do, Eric’s head is facing downward, his eyes avoiding mine.
“I’m sorry.” I never should have told him. He would have rather not known.
His head shoots up at that. “What? Why are you sorry? I’m sorry.”
“What reason do you have to be sorry?” That makes no sense. “You’re sorry I like boys?”
His pupils expand. “No! I’m sorry I didn’t know?” He says it like a question, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Again, not your fault. I’m the one who didn’t tell you.”
“Did you think you couldn’t? That I would care? Because I think that’s why I’m apologizing.”
Such an Eric response—sweet and earnest.
“It’s not you. It’s just…another way I’m different. And I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or like, think I’m perving on you. Because I’m not. I wouldn’t ever do that.”
His nose wrinkles up slightly. “Okay. Good. Not good because there’s something wrong with liking boys or as if I would be upset if you like me, just…good that we feel the same about each other. That we’re best friends. We’re still best friends, right?” Eric asks as if he’s not the prize out of our duo. He never sees how incredible he is.
“As long as you want me, we’ll always be best friends.”
He grins. “Then we’ll always be best friends.” He moves over and sits with his back against the headboard too. Our arms touch, and like always, his warmth comforts me. “Are there any boys you like? Because I can hook you up.”
I shake my head and can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll happen until I’m older and get out of here.” We live in the high desert of Southern California, and I don’t know any other gay kids my age.
“Where are we gonna go?” he asks, then takes a bite of pizza.
“LA,” I play along. I’m sure we won’t really move away together, but it’s a nice dream. “I’ll be in remission, of course, and the boys…there will be so many boys…” I sigh.
“And girls for me!” he adds, and it’s so perfect. This moment is perfect, the way he’s treating this like it’s nothing, like he doesn’t care.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I feel like our friendship is lopsided. You do everything for me and—”
“You help me with school. No way I’d pass math without you…or English, or history…” Eric shrugs. “Plus, I don’t do anything special for you other than be your friend, just like you’re mine.”
In that moment, I silently promise myself that I’ll do everything in my power not to lose this, never ever lose him. I won’t get feelings for him that he can’t return, and I’ll do anything he needs, help him in any way I can, the way Eric has always done for me.
CHAPTER ONE
Eric
“Can I get the two of you an appetizer?” The waiter looks back and forth between Ana and me. While I could definitely go for some nachos or mozzarella sticks, I don’t plan to order any, and I’m quietly hoping she doesn’t either.
It’s not that I wouldn’t treat on a date. That’s not how I am, but funds are low right now and getting lower by the day. Living in Los Angeles? It’s not easy. I moved here from the high desert with Donovan after we graduated from high school. He came to LA for college, and I came to LA to be with him. He’s my favorite person in the world and has been for as long as I can remember.
“I don’t want anything,” Ana says, and a silent thank fuck runs through my head.
“I’m good too. Are you ready to order?” I ask Ana, who nods and begins telling the waiter what she wants.
I met her two weeks ago at a pool party at Donovan’s place. She works with Donovan’s friend Hayes, whom he met because they share the same cheating ex. It wasn’t until the day after the party, when Donovan asked me what I thought about her, that I realized he’d been trying to hook me up.
It’s not like I have trouble finding women on my own. I enjoy a whole hell of a lot of them, and they enjoy me too. But apparently, Donovan thinks I should try a relationship, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. My life is great the way it is—well, money issues aside, but Donovan doesn’t know about those. He has it in his head that I sacrificed too much for him when I was a kid, which makes absolutely no sense. I didn’t sacrifice anything. But now he tries to make up for that by taking care of me or doing things for me, when really, I’m just happy the way I am.