Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 104141 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104141 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
And then Rin began to speak.
"All those women in my past. . .” Rin let out a long breath. “I covered their faces with leather first, then linen. And then I landed on silk. Always I tied the bags behind their heads, barely touching them.”
I leaned against my desk.
"Due to my family and. . .what they did. Somewhere deep inside me, love had spoiled into fear. And I never learned the true shape of passion and desire."
I pursed my lips.
He continued, still looking at the book. "And it wasn’t just that I feared seeing my mother’s face during the act.”
His bottom lip quivered. “It was also that. . .faces made things real. Eyes made things dangerous. A mouth gasping. . .No. All I wanted was a body arching beneath me. That required little."
Rin unfisted his hand and his thumb moved once against the wood of my desk. "So I covered them all, and the women allowed it. Some laughed. Some obeyed. Some thrilled at the darkness. Afterward, I left them with trembling thighs and aching pussies while the deepest parts of me remained untouched and unnamed."
The room held very still.
Finally, he looked up at me, and what I saw in his face made my heartbeats stutter. There was madness and desire in his gaze. "And then I met Deja. She’s got a sharp mouth and a strong will, and there was no bag I could put on her face. And in the end. . .I didn’t want to anyway. I yearned to see her face as I pushed inside of her.”
I cleared my throat.
“And. . .I told her why I needed that bag.”
I widened my eyes. “You told her?”
“I did.” He nodded. “And she looked at me as though every ruined thing inside me was gorgeous and treasured. She told me about something from her past. . .something that. . .broke her. That makes me want to kill the person after we finish this war.”
I pursed my lips. “Give Reo the name and the person will be dead by the evening.”
“Good.” A cruel smile spread across Rin’s face. “I will. Once it’s done, send me his head.”
“Okay.” I swallowed, not used to Rin showing so much emotion even if that smile was drenched in brutality.
Rin swallowed. “And after she told me about. . .her wounds, she said, 'Still no on the bag. I'm not hiding from you and you're not hiding from me. I want you to see who's loving you tonight.'”
I swallowed.
He glanced down at the book again and stared at the drawings of the Burial Ritual. “Her touch. . .”
I quirked my brows.
“And I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about. . .her washing my hair and braiding it. Her caressing my skin. It’s. . .”
“What?”
“It’s melted the frozen places buried deep within me." Rin lifted his eyes from the book and looked past me, focusing on the window. “When we made love. . .I saw every emotion move across her face. Wonder. Heat. Hunger. Affection. I’m addicted. . ."
That confession hung in the air between us.
I thought of my Tora's eyes when she rose over me this morning. The way she had looked at me without flinching and told me how much she loved me.
I understood exactly what Rin meant about addiction. I had lived my whole life surrounded by bodies. Women had moaned beneath me. Climbed into my lap. Trembled around my cock. Worshipped the Dragon because of fear, power, money, violence, and reputation.
Yet none of it had ever reached the deepest part of me.
Then came my Tiger.
And now I craved things that would have once sounded absurd coming from my mouth years ago. Her eyes finding me first thing in the morning. Her fingers drifting through my hair while she talked. The sound she made when she laughed too hard and tried to hide it.
The way she touched my chest absentmindedly as though her body sought mine without permission from her mind.
I was addicted to her seeing me. That was the terrifying part too.
I was addicted to being witnessed by her because when she looked at the ugliest parts of me, she didn’t recoil.
She stepped closer.
And that had become more intoxicating than violence ever was.
“Kenji. . .for my entire life, sex had been hunger. With her, it became resurrection.” His voice cracked on that last word.
“Resurrection?”
“Maybe not resurrection.” He ran his fingers through his braids. “All I can say is that. . .I entered her arms a monster. I emerged from them reborn into something else.”
“What?”
“I’m still trying to figure that out. All I know is. . .when I close my eyes now, I do not see darkness anymore. I see her looking back at me.” Rin frowned. “I would do anything for you. Do you understand that?”
“I know.”
“You saved my life.”
My jaw tightened.
“But we just started, and she saved my life too. She pulled me out of a place no woman has ever reached. The place where I had been alone since I was that young man that raced away from the palace.” Rin grabbed the book and closed it. “I won’t take her life away, if I fall in battle tomorrow night.”