Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“You’ll get through it,” I whisper. “You’ve got this.” I keep going. “Stay strong. The light as always at the end of the tunnel.” My voice cracks. “Remember the Titans.” Stinging appears behind my eyes I can’t stop it any more than I can stop talking. “I barely know you but I’m rooting for you.” I shudder. “Don’t give into the demons, just listen to my voice. When you’re afraid, when you’re scared, when you want to give in. Don’t.”
She lowers the iPad. A tear spills over onto the screen. “Sleepyhead?”
“I wonder if you’d take it back,” I rasp. “All that encouragement. If you knew, it was me you were encouraging.”
God, is anything real in my life?
Is anything mine anymore?
I can’t even have a voice that pulls me from the darkness; it just has to belong to the woman who betrayed me.
Why?
What did I ever do that was so wrong other than exist to deserve this?
“No.” She lifts her chin. “I take nothing back.” A tear slides down her cheek as she whispers. “Life is worth living.”
It was one of the comments I remembered the most.
It was the night I wanted to end it all.
I had no hope.
I had nobody.
I had her voice.
Live.
“One minute,” Axel calls.
I grip her by the thighs and jerk her chair toward me. It rolls until her legs are spread around my body, until our foreheads touch. “What did I fucking say about your tears?”
She doesn’t wipe them, doesn’t duck away. Instead, I tug her face mask down and cup her face, lean up and kiss her cheek sucking the tear between my lips before replacing the mask and growling. “Mine.”
“Ten seconds. I’m getting fired. I just know it,” Axel says over the com. I send her rolling back to the desk and face mine knowing full well that the primal reaction I have toward her isn’t going to go away for two straight hours. Uncomfortable as hell, I tell my body to calm the fuck down and let out a slow exhale staring straight ahead at my script.
Now I have to read with the only woman who ever gave me hope while trying to separate the good from the bad, the raw physical response from the emotional one that says I’m just confused.
None of it is working.
Ten cold showers and an electrical shock to my heart wouldn’t work right now.
“In three, two, one,” Axel counts down.
She stares straight ahead like she’s in shock.
Shit. I quickly put on my headphones. “Hey, I’m Sleepyhead Jude.” I use my handle. “Guesting here with the lovely L and we’re about to blow your minds.” I hate everyone. Axel’s giving me a thumbs up while Lilah slowly thaws back to life. “The last few chapters of The Count of Monte Cristo are my favorite, what about you, L?”
“Y-yeah.” She frowns. “I think I love that he tried to do the right thing but his best friend wouldn’t let him, he couldn’t live in a world where he had everything and still tries to go back so it feels like we can like Edmond’s character more knowing he didn’t fully seek revenge in the end.”
“Hmm,” I spin my chair toward her, grabbing my mic in my hand. “Interesting, so do you think you identify with Edmond or Fernand?”
“Fernand,” she says quickly. “I know what it’s like to betray someone. I’d like to think that in the end I’m a little bit of both, but once you do bad things there is no redemption there’s only owning it. Though Fernand didn’t in the end. I’ve always thought of myself as the villain trying to become a hero rather than the hero who turned into a villain. What about you?”
Her answer shocks me. I can’t tell if she’s messing with me or not, but I answer honestly. “I used to be like Edmond in the beginning, but life also gave me a few hits so I think I identify with him the most now. But revenge is just like forgiveness; only you can give it and in the end only you benefit from it, except forgiveness sets you free, revenge poisons your soul.”
“What about your soul, Sleepyhead?” she asks.
“Full of poison, care to suck it out, L?” I tease softly.
Her cheeks flare bright red.
I can practically hear Axel groaning behind us.
“Let’s get into it.” She clears her throat. “Chapter…”
The reading goes fast. I pour myself into every emotion, every regret, every painful part of the book, I immerse myself in her voice and let every part of my shell peel away until all she sees is the rawness of who I am. I do it on purpose, knowing it’s going to hurt like hell to put it back on.
And then the light turns red.
She’s breathing in and out, heavy.
I can’t believe it went that fast or was that physically exhausting.