Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 163089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 815(@200wpm)___ 652(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 163089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 815(@200wpm)___ 652(@250wpm)___ 544(@300wpm)
“She really hates it when you’re withdrawn during meals. If you keep flinching and acting dramatic, she’ll get rid of you.”
I believed him.
After my parents’ marriage ended, I couldn’t risk Mom abandoning me, too.
The idea of being all alone terrified me.
To this day, it still does.
In my mind, it was simple—to keep my mom, I needed to stay quiet.
Once, I was with Dad for a few days, and I was so happy I didn’t have to see Claude. For once, I wouldn’t be crushed by his heavy body, nor would I be gagged by peppery musk mixed with that overpowering smell of cigarettes.
But I still couldn’t sleep well. I spent most of the nights watching the door, imagining it creaking as his silhouette peeked through. On the last night at my dad’s, before I had to go home, my stomach churned, and bile rose in my throat.
I threw up a couple of times and held on to Dad with all my might, crying like a little bitch when he dropped me off at Mom’s.
When he asked me what was wrong, I wanted to scream, “Help me, Daddy. There’s a man who keeps hurting me, and I don’t like it.”
But Mom appeared at the door and yanked me from his arms, and I just kept my mouth shut.
And I had to tell myself things such as…
“Stay quiet.”
“Put up with it.”
“That way, your mom won’t hate you.”
“That way, you’ll always have someone and you won’t be all alone.”
“It’s okay, Preston. If you look at the stars, stay calm, and don’t fight, you’ll eventually be able to breathe.”
It was the worst when I fought. Claude would be more brutal and vicious. He’d slam a pillow on my face and hold it there as I thrashed and kicked and my muffled screams echoed in the air.
My whole world would be black, soulless, and cold. I’d scream Mom’s and Dad’s names, but they wouldn’t hear me.
I felt so alone.
My only friends were the stars on the ceiling, and I couldn’t even see them when he had the pillow on my face.
I thought I’d die.
He said he’d kill me if I kept being a naughty boy.
“Do you want to leave your poor mother all alone, Preston?” he asked me. “The only reason I’m staying with such a train wreck like her is because of you. If you keep acting like this, I’ll get rid of you and leave her and tell her it’s because of you. She’ll hate you just like your dad.”
All I could think about was what she told me when I suggested I spend more time at Dad’s, hugging me close and crying.
“You want to leave just like your dad? Do you not love me anymore, Preston? Am I such a bad mom? Have I failed at that as well?”
She wasn’t a bad mom. She was my world. So I had to stop fighting.
To just lie still and take it.
It’d be over soon anyway. The pain, the discomfort, and the inability to breathe.
I could do that much for my mom.
But it didn’t work.
One night, she walked into my room and saw Claude on top of me with his limp dick in my mouth.
Mom kind of…switched off. She roared so loud and hit him with a lamp, making him fall unconscious, then hugged me so tight that I couldn’t breathe.
But it was okay because Mom finally heard my internal screams.
She finally helped me.
She had tears in her eyes as she soothed me, gave me a shower, and put me to bed. For the first time in years, she slept with me in the same bed and sang me a French lullaby.
It was the first time I slept soundly since Claude had come into our house.
The following day, I woke up to Dad hugging me tightly, too.
“I’m sorry,” he said in the same guilt-stricken tone she’d spoken in. “I should’ve seen the signs. I’m so sorry, son.”
“Dad heard my cries for help, too,” I thought. “It’s finally over, right? I can have my mom and dad now, right?”
Not really.
Mom killed herself that night.
Didn’t matter whether I’d told her or not, she still abandoned me.
After that, I never saw Claude again. I think Dad killed him. I never asked, and I don’t want to know.
Didn’t matter whether the asshole was there or not. He still fucked me up and made me lose my mom.
A few years later, when I was eleven, a teacher at the boarding school used me again. I didn’t fight as he forced his dick in my mouth, because that’s what I do, right?
Stay quiet so he doesn’t tell Dad something about me that will make Dad hate and abandon me, too.
As he came on my face, though, Kane and Jude found me. They pushed him off me, and Jude gave me a candelabra and told me to kill him.