Total pages in book: 50
Estimated words: 51243 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 205(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51243 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 256(@200wpm)___ 205(@250wpm)___ 171(@300wpm)
I typed iloveAudrey—the same one she’d used for everything—and the desktop appeared, cluttered with old documents.
Sliding the DVD into the side tray, I held my breath.
A few minutes later, a small window opened—and my mother appeared. Her curly hair was piled into a messy bun, silk pajamas hanging loose on her frame. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, like she’d been crying for days.
I’d never seen her cry before.
“Hey, Audrey,” she said softly. “I record this video every few months because you’re being quite rebellious now and not really talking to me or your father, but that’s—”
She paused, forcing a smile.
“That’s par for the course of being a teenager, so I’m not offended. Anyway… I’m kind of grateful you haven’t been around the house that much, because you’d probably notice the unbearable tension between your father and me. I don’t even think we’re trying to hide it anymore.”
She took a shaky breath.
“A few years ago, he cheated on me, and I thought I forgave him—but I didn’t. Neither of us has been happy. And I… I fell for someone else. Someone I really love, Audrey. But between you and me, I think I’m going to have to let him go and move on.”
I hit pause.
I couldn’t handle this. Not tonight.
Leaving the divorce papers on the table, I slipped out of the room and shut the door.
Then I cried myself to sleep.
Morning light cut through the blinds. I checked the status of my nursing-school application—anything to ground myself—then returned to the past.
I sat in front of the laptop and pressed play.
“I don’t want to ruin something that might finally be right,” my mother said, “especially when it comes to you and the guy you swear you don’t like. I think if we were together, it would ruin that—and maybe you’d hate each other even more. I don’t know.”
She exhaled, eyes glassy.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you or betray your trust. I just hope you can forgive me someday. I love you, Audrey Parker, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. See you soon, sweet girl.”
She winked and blew a kiss before the screen went black.
I replayed it.
Again.
And again.
And again—until my reflection blurred in the dark screen, and I couldn’t tell if I was looking at her face or mine.
TRACK 43. CLEAN (1:21)
AUDREY
Three weeks later
Dear Audrey,
How much longer are you planning to avoid me?
I’m trying my best not to go fucking insane, but this is torture—and I know you know that.
I wake up every morning wishing you were still in my arms, that your lips were still pressed against mine.
I can’t concentrate on much of anything else. My friends and family won’t answer my calls because all I do is talk about you.
Not that that’s your fault—it’s all mine. I’m asking—no, begging you to unblock me and let me talk to you, so I can make things right between us.
Please.
I’m really sorry, and I really fucking miss you.
(Are you watching my games, by chance? Would you like to come see me play in the VIP box again?)
Take care,
Taylor
Ireread Taylor’s latest letter for what had to be the hundredth time.
My heart ached with every word, begging me to give in and at least text him that I’d received it—but I refused.
Every hour without him was time slowly sweeping away the pain, and he would eventually become a distant memory I’d write about someday.
Once a bully, always a bully.
Folding the paper, I tucked it into a box with the others and walked into the living room.
Cecelia was sprawled across the couch, fanning her latest manicure.
“How long exactly do you plan to sleep on my couch?” I asked.
“You said I could stay here as long as I needed to.”
“That typically means two weeks.”
“Well, you never actually said that.” She shrugged. “Alas, let’s reset the time so today counts as my first day, okay?”
“Fine.” I laughed, plopping onto the chair across from her.
“I know it’s only a matter of time before the program calls to award you that six-figure check,” she said. “Given all the writing you’ve shared with me, I know you won.”
“They’ll probably give it to Taylor.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure he’s taking full advantage of me not being there and kissing up to all the professors.”
“Is that what you would do, if the roles were reversed?”
“No.” I shook my head. “If he won, he’d deserve it.”
“Then what makes you think he doesn’t feel the same?”
I didn’t answer that. “Can I have some more vodka, please?”
“We finished the bottle last night,” she said. “I’ll have to grab some from the store. Want anything else?”
“No…”
“So, go get your mail from Aunt Lydia’s house, if I’m up to it?”
“That’s almost five hours away,” I said. “No. You going there once a week is enough.”
“Fine. I’ll go get it now.”
“You really don’t need to do that, Cecelia.”