Series: Cobalt Empire Series by Krista Ritchie
Total pages in book: 220
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
Phoenix studies my expression. “You remember the part where I said I only kissed him because I was hurt, and it was a mistake on my part?”
“Yeah,” I nod, tensed.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“Me too. I was also hurt, and texting RJ was a mistake on my part. So yeah, I’m really sorry for dragging you through a dramatic, drunken night.”
“I’ve dragged people through worse.” He doesn’t elaborate, and by the pain in his eyes, I don’t know if I want to pry right now. I’m assuming it has to do with his arrest.
I just nod again.
Phoenix pops a couple knuckles, then sets his intense gaze on me. “I’m going to be really honest with you at the risk of making this weird between us.”
I feel knocked out of breath.
“This is your chance to tell me to shut the fuck up,” Phoenix adds. “You want me to bury whatever, I will.” He rephrases fast, “I’ll try.”
I’m already tempted by his “whatever”—I crave to know what that entails. “Go ahead,” I say. “Be honest.”
He inhales strongly. “I want you beyond fucking reason. Beyond comprehension. But I can’t have you, and I know exactly why you’re not going there with me. I respect how much you want to protect the band, but man, the idea of seeing you with someone else is making me go out of my fucking mind. I spent most of last night wondering what that looks like and being sick to my stomach. You’ll never hear me suggesting you hook up with another guy again. It’ll be a miracle if I don’t shove RJ or whoever you’re with into a brick wall.”
Oxygen thins around us. My chest heaves, and too many emotions barrel into me at once, some conflicting. Panic, relief, pure joy, raw fear.
I clear my throat to find air. “You said this is the longest you’ve gone without sex. You could just be so blue-balled that it’s messing with your head while you’re around me. Which I would get. I am unquestionably the most attractive man you’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“Wow, I take it all back.”
“Don’t take it all back,” I tell him. “Take like none of it back.”
Phoenix arches his brows at my forming smirk. “You are so, so arrogant.” He looks like he wants to throttle me.
“Guilty as charged.” I hold up my fists together like I’m prepared for the handcuffs.
His nose flares. “Put your hands down.”
“Or what?”
“Tom,” he growls. “I’m five short seconds away from slamming you against the wall. Please. Listen to me.” He clasps his palms together in prayer formation. “Put. Your. Hands. Down.”
Blood descends, my pulse raging, and all I want to do is contest him. Push against whatever barriers were erected between us. It turns me on too much, and I guess this is the problem. I am the problem. Because I’m not switching on a green light for him. He’s sitting at a red light.
I lower my hands to my side.
“Thank you,” he exhales a relieved breath, then makes a tense trek to the bed. Phoenix sits on the edge, bent forward and rubbing his face.
Tension is so thick, I’m back to barely breathing. So I try to convince myself nothing much has changed. We were wading in neck-high attraction before Phoenix tried to kiss me. We can go back to that place, right?
Or is he saying he can’t…?
My brain thumps from a migraine, so I snatch the banana off the nightstand and sit beside him.
Phoenix doesn’t move over to give me space, and his thigh presses up against mine. Neither of us shifts away. I unpeel the banana in the strained silence.
He’s breathing hard through his nose and staring at the closet door. Finally, he says, “I don’t think you’re understanding me.”
“I think I do.” I take a large bite of banana. His eyes dip toward my mouth as I chew the fruit.
He works his jaw as he skims the angles of my face, and he tells me, “Then you know I’m not going to get off and get over you.”
I swallow the banana, grateful I don’t fucking choke.
Phoenix holds my gaze. “I care about you, Tom.”
I’m lightheaded, drifting away from him, until he pushes my jaw with two fingers, forcing my eyes back on his, and now I’m struggling. To keep my hands to myself. To not turn on the green light.
I have the banana peel. It’s gross. Banana hands. He wouldn’t want those on him.
It’s my only defense against body-crashing into Phoenix.
“I know you care,” I manage to say. “I felt it…” I feel it right now. Maybe it’s deeper than just caring, but I’m too afraid to name it. So I just tell him, “I care about you too, and I don’t know if I can handle you with…with another guy. Really, I haven’t pictured it much at all. Not while I’m hungover. I might end up hugging a toilet.” I take a breath. “So I feel the same about you. I mean, I don’t know about pushing Big Red into a wall, but I could bite the shit out of him.”