Series: Cobalt Empire Series by Krista Ritchie
Total pages in book: 220
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
He doesn’t want to be awake.
“Yeah,” Phoenix murmurs, so quiet. He steps closer and slips his hand against mine just to gently take my phone away and toss it on the U-shaped couch behind me. “This is why I haven’t told you,” he explains. “You don’t need to be concerned about me. This has been my life for years. And my brother is already on my case. I’m good.”
I study his face. He has his normal half-moon darkened circles under his eyes. But besides that, I wouldn’t be able to tell he’s exhausted. “Okay, but I have questions.”
“I might have answers for you.” He catches my wrist and drags me down to the couch.
The cushions are stiffer back here, and I already feel myself writhing against the concrete foam. Like what else could this be made from?
Frustrated, I collapse back on the long stretch of seat and extend my legs.
“Just take up all the room,” Phoenix says dryly.
“I will. I am,” I say, a lot softer than usual.
He suddenly hovers over me—his forearms on either side of my head, his warm body pressed against mine—and a smile hooks my lips. Phoenix smooths back the hair out of my face, and being fused together with him, like this, calms me down even more.
I wonder if he feels that too.
“Do you take sleeping pills?” I ask.
“I have in the past. But I’ve always ended up building a tolerance to them, and I don’t want to rely on meds anyway.”
“What helps?” How can I help? I really want to ask.
His brown-blue eyes sweep my face. “Exercise, sometimes. Melatonin, sometimes. Cannabis, but it’s a motivation ruiner, so I avoid that.” He lets out a deep sigh. “I don’t know. Mainly I just say my nightly prayers, man, and hope for the best.”
Exercise. My mind is whirling. “What about sex?” I ask. “Does that help?”
His eyes dip from mine to my lips, then back to my eyes. “Hmmm.” He sucks a lungful of air through his nose. “No. It hasn’t. Unfortunate, really. I’m sure you would have loved to help me sleep. Get to be the hero, Cobalt god.” He pinches my chin.
I swat him away and flip him off.
He returns his hand to the edge of my jaw, then presses a kiss to my lips. Just one before he asks, “Are we going to talk about you?”
“What about me?”
“You just had a mini meltdown over losing maybe four hours of work time.”
“Dude, I would call that a full-blown meltdown. And what’s there to talk about? I didn’t know sleep was a sensitive subject. I get now why you’d turn off my alarm.”
“But you still feel like those four hours might be the reason we fail?”
Tension tightens my spine. “I know it seems stupid, but every minute counts. Every opportunity could be the one that matters the most.”
“You can’t…that’s not…” He blows out a frustrated breath. “It’s impossible to do everything, Tom.”
“It’s not.”
“You have to sleep, man.”
“I honestly don’t need it,” I tell him. “I’m kicking fine with two to three hours. I have been for over a week.”
Phoenix stares harder at me. Way more intensely. His elbow rests above my head on the cushion. He’s studying me, his eyes on mine. “Did you lie to me?” he asks. “About taking coke?”
Fuck. Fuck.
I’m rigid.
“No. I didn’t.” I swallow a rock. “But I am taking Adderall.”
His jaw tics. He pulls up off me in an instant. The lack of skin-to-skin contact—the sudden emptiness without the pressure of his chest on mine—flames me in a horrible way.
“I want you to stop taking it,” Phoenix says.
“I can’t,” I tell him, sitting up against the concrete couch. “I truly can’t, dude. Like it’s helping so much. The shows are incredible. I’ve never been tired. It’s honestly a miracle drug, and it’s not cocaine. Okay, doctors prescribe this shit.”
Phoenix narrows his eyes. “You’re getting it from your doctor then.”
He’s not asking.
He knows I’m not or else maybe I wouldn’t have hid it in the first place. “I don’t see the big deal,” I tell him.
“The big deal…” Phoenix shakes his head. “Adderall masks sleep deprivation. You haven’t crashed yet. But it’s coming for you, and then what are you going to do? Take more?” His expression fractures. “It causes insomnia, Tom. Do you know what I would give to be able to fucking sleep. And you’re just throwing that away like it’s not the most priceless fucking thing in your life!”
My eyes scald.
My throat is raw sandpaper.
I don’t want to fight with him—but I don’t know how to change what’s happening in my head.
“Phoenix, I understand all of that. I really do,” I choke out. “But it feels like if I don’t take it, my entire world is going to end.”
“It won’t,” he tells me.
“I’ve had this dream since I was a little kid. And the one thing in my way right now is time. I don’t have enough hours in the day, and it’s such an easy solution. Just let me do this while we’re on tour. I’ll stop once it’s over. Okay?”