Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 127201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 636(@200wpm)___ 509(@250wpm)___ 424(@300wpm)
“Caesar?” I murmur, nervousness growing in the pit of my stomach and threatening to pull me under.
He pulls back and gazes down at me, putting just the slightest distance between us, and as he watches me, taking in the nervousness in my eyes, his expression changes, already knowing what’s coming.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my heart already breaking, knowing exactly how this is going to go, but I can’t hold back anymore. I have to let this out before it eats me alive. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
Caesar lets out a breath, his arms locking around me as he rolls us across his bed until I’m straddling his hips. As I sit up, I press my hands flat against his strong chest and stare down at him. His hand hovers on my thigh as the other reaches up and brushes something wet off my face, making me realize the tears have started to fall again.
“Don’t say it,” he begs, resignation flashing in his dark stare.
I shake my head. “I tried not to, but it just happened. I didn’t even realize it was happening until it was already too late.”
He brushes my hair back over my shoulder, his fingers trailing down my arm before finally finding purchase at my waist. “I know, hellcat. I think I might have known before you did.”
A heaviness weighs down on me as I search his eyes, having no idea where we’re supposed to go from here. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this.”
“No,” he agrees, his lips pulling into a soft smile as sadness creeps into his eyes, telling me what I already feared. He’s going to let me go. “I’m sorry, hellcat. I should have kept more distance between us. Made it clearer that this couldn’t happen between us.”
I shake my head. “It’s not your fault. You laid out your terms from the get-go, and I agreed. I just . . . I guess I didn’t fully understand what I was agreeing to. I didn’t realize how amazing you were or how you’d make me come alive. I didn’t realize how different it would be with you. I thought we’d have sex once or twice and I’d move on, but I can’t. I don’t want to move on. I’m happy here.”
His hand tightens on my thigh. “I’m not good for you.”
I shake my head, resisting the urge to scoff. He has no idea what’s good for me. “I should have known from that very first night at Vixen, before you’d even touched me. I could feel it then. There was a connection, and you can’t deny it. The way you looked at me, and the way our eyes met across the room. It was like a collision.”
“We can’t do this, Tilly.”
“But what if we could?” I push. “Nothing has to change.”
“Everything has to change.”
I fall forward onto his chest, his arm locking around me as he pulls me into him, holding me as though he’ll never let go. “Don’t say that,” I beg him, my heart beginning to shred to pieces inside my chest. “This is what I want, and you can’t deny that you want it too. I see it every time you look at me. Every time you touch me. I can feel it. When you kissed me last night, that meant something.”
“You don’t understand what you’re asking for,” he tells me. “You might think you want this, but you don’t. Please don’t push this, hellcat. When I tell you that I am not a good man, I mean it. No matter how I might feel, I am not the man for you.”
“Don’t—”
“No,” he says, cutting me off as he rolls us again, hovering over me and staring directly into my soul. “Hear me, Tilly. The last thing I want is to hurt you, but this is exactly why I laid out our ground rules from the start. You have your whole damn life ahead of you. You’re only twenty-two. You should be dating idiots like my son, not getting wound up with a man like me. And while you think you might want this, you don’t.”
Tears spill over my eyes again, and as I look up at him, every piece of me breaks. He simply stares at me, watching the wreckage unfold before him. “Would falling in love with me really be that terrible?”
A softness creeps into his eyes, and he drops his head, gently brushing his lips over mine. “No, hellcat,” he murmurs. “Falling in love with you would be the best thing I ever did.”
My arms twist around the back of his neck, pulling him down into me, and he holds me as the tears continue to spill. “This is goodbye, isn’t it? I have to walk away.”
Caesar lets out a heavy, broken sigh, sounding just as crushed as I feel. “Believe me, if I could hold on to you forever, I would, Tilly. You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel as though I might have a chance at seeing past my demons. I’d give you the world, but I can’t. I can’t pull you down into me, and I know you don’t understand this now, you may never fully understand it, but believe me when I say that I’m doing this for you.”