Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 108362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 542(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 542(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
When they moved on to greet the next guests, I felt a small hand take mine and peered down to find Zara looking up at me. She didn’t fully understand what the memorial was about, but she clearly sensed it was something important.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, and emotion caught in my throat. The way children could be so pure sometimes truly gutted me. That was when I saw Shannon watching us, her eyes filled with tenderness.
It wasn’t too big of a gathering in the end, probably less than forty people. We all squeezed into the living room, while Cai’s parents shared some fond memories from his childhood, alongside some of their regrets about not supporting Cai’s choice to become a musician later on. Shannon sat on one side of me, producing a small tissue to dab at her eyes as she listened to Cai’s mother speak.
I reached out, taking her hand in mine and giving a soft squeeze. I didn’t let go while other people got up to speak, all of them sharing memories. I wanted to get up there, but I was too overwhelmed. It was all I could do to keep it together and sit still, listening to all the people who loved him share a little piece of who he was.
Afterwards, there was tea and sandwiches, but I didn’t have an appetite. I saw Mam and Dad talking to Cai’s parents as I left the room and wandered out into the hallway. I occupied myself by studying the pictures on the wall. There were lots of Cai and some of his sister who I hadn’t seen around today. I recalled that she’d moved to Canada, and that was a long way to travel just for a small memorial. She looked so familiar, though I put it down to the family resemblance between her and Cai.
There was a picture of him when he was maybe only three or four, his sister a chubby girl in her late teens. He was sitting on her lap on the grass out in their garden, a big smile on his face. Something about seeing him so young and innocent and joyful had grief swelling within me anew. I felt suffocated. I had to get out of there.
Leaving the house, I walked to the end of the drive, then sat down on the kerb. Lots of tears had been shed today, but none of my own. Now wetness fell down my cheeks as I grappled with the pain seizing my chest. It was all those people sharing their memories. It was too much wondering about the life Cai might’ve had if it weren’t for—
“Jace?” Shannon’s gentle cadence filled my ears as she approached. “Oh, Jace,” she said, seeing my tears, and then she was sitting down next to me, pulling me into her arms. I sank into her embrace, her soothing warmth chasing away the darkness.
17.
Shannon
Jace was struggling. I knew by how quiet he’d been back in the house. Hearing all those people speak about Cai was hard for him, but I didn’t realise he’d been this close to his breaking point. I held him for long minutes, feeling his tears wet my shoulder as he sank into my arms.
He gripped me tightly, like I was a lifeline, his strong arms banding around my waist and fisting my top. He buried his face in my neck, and I realised how glad I was to be here for him. Tingles danced along my spine when he breathed in, as though my smell could ground him. I thought about last night, how the wine combined with my exhaustion had made me loose lipped. I remembered every second of our conversation, how mortified I was this morning when I’d woken up and relived it all. But Jace had let it pass without repeating the embarrassing things I’d said, which only made me love him more.
God, I was in love with him. I mean, I’d always known I still loved him, even after all he’d put me through, but I’d managed to dull the emotion with distance. Now I was seeing him all the time, witnessing how much he’d changed and how hard he was trying to do better for Zara and me. I couldn’t help falling a little deeper each day. His spicy scent filled my nose, and desire stirred in me. I felt guilty for wanting him this badly when he was upset, forcing down my need until it was a small, containable thing.
When his breathing evened out, I pulled back just a little to take him in. I’d seen him upset like this back when Cai first passed, but he’d been so put together lately that I’d almost forgotten how bad the loss of his bandmate had hit him.
“Your parents offered to take Zara tonight. Why don’t we go to the cinema and see that new movie everyone’s been talking about? Or better yet, we can go back to my place, order some food, and watch Red Dwarf until we can quote each episode line for line.”