Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Five minutes ago, I knew exactly what I was doing. I weighed the pros and cons of having sex with Gray and decided the risk was worth the potential reward. My logical brain deduced that. But here we are, precisely where I asked to be, and the alarm bells are ringing in my head.
“So,” I say, forcing a smile, “here’s the thing. It’s not my favorite thing about myself, but it is a part of who I am.” I heave a breath. “I overthink things.”
“You don’t say?”
My smile is wide … and real. “I know that I just spent the truck ride telling you that this is what I want—and it is,” I add quickly. “But I talk a good game, and I know that I seem like the kind of woman who knows what she wants. You’d be surprised to learn that I’m a lot more nervous than you might think.”
“About what, Astrid?”
“Oh, life. Relationships. Sex.” I pause. “You.”
He brushes a lock of hair off my shoulder with the gentlest touch. “Do you want my honest take?”
“On what?”
He grins. “You.”
“Um, I don’t know. That depends on what you have to say.”
His chuckle rumbles through me. “I think your tough-girl act is a mask that you hide behind to protect yourself.” He searches my eyes for a reaction—one I struggle to keep from him, mostly because I’m not sure how I feel about him nailing me so easily. Although, I’d love for him to nail me in other ways right now. “And believe it or not, I can relate in a lot of ways.”
I take in a shaky breath and exhale it with my whole body.
“If I were a betting man,” he says, “I’d guess that you protect yourself because you’ve never been safe enough to relax.”
His words are a shot to my heart. They’re a key that unlocks a lockbox filled with my truths. How does he know this about me?
I’m not prepared for the hot tears that fog my vision, or the ferocious kindness swimming in his dark brown pools. I feel seen in a way that’s brand new to me. Understood without saying a word.
He runs a thumb across my cheek while sharing the sincerest, sweetest smile ever bestowed upon me.
“Regardless of what happens tonight, or when we go back to Nashville—whether you hate me or not—you’re safe with me,” he says softly.
I sniffle back a heap of emotion, but then it hits me that I came here to get fucked and, instead, I’m crying. And for once, I’m not crying because someone’s being an asshole. I’m crying because he’s … not.
“There you go,” I say, laughing through the feelings clogging my throat. “You had to go and ruin everything.”
His chin tilts to the sky as he laughs, too.
I dry my face of any errant tears with the bottom of my shirt. The cord that’s been wound around my chest for as long as I can remember is slightly looser. I consider momentarily that he could be lying to me, just telling me what he thinks I want to hear—but I dismiss it almost immediately.
Because that’s not true. That’s not what he’s doing, and I know it in the depths of my soul.
My heartbeat quickens as I wrestle with his promise that I’m safe with him. The sentiment that I’ve yearned for my entire life, for someone to see me and care for me enough to protect me, has surprisingly been shared … by Gray Adler.
How the hell is this happening?
It’s a mind fuck, a case of mental vertigo. The man who I’ve sparred with, fought against, and loathed is offering me shelter. It’s a dizzying realization, one that makes both no sense and all the sense in the world.
But the more I think about it, and the longer I stand in front of Gray with my truth bared for him to see, I’m not panicked. I’m at ease. The bubble of loneliness, my constant shadow, deflates and my lungs fill to their full capacity.
This has never happened before, and it may never happen again. And I have a feeling he understands what it’s like to have your trust broken. Even if I don’t know by whom.
If I’m going out on limbs tonight and taking big risks, I might as well go all the way.
“Will you do me a favor, Gray?”
“Anything.”
This has to be the most complicated, overthought moment before sex that has ever existed. Who talks this much when on a bed of a truck with someone like Gray Adler?
Me. That’s who. And it’s exactly why I can’t have any fun in my life.
I gather my courage along with the deepest breath. “Just for one night, I want to know what it feels like not to be in control.”
His pupils dilate, and his eyes widen in surprise.