Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
My stomach drops as I relive the moment. That notebook was my refuge, the only safe space in my life where I could … be. There was no right or wrong, no judgment or attempt at rewriting history. In a house that was supposed to be a home, those spiral-bound pieces of paper I bought at the discount store with money Gianna’s mom gave me for folding some laundry were my soft spot. I was in control and could live without fear.
That was over the day Dad found my diary.
My father flips through the pages as spit gathers in the corners of his cracked lips. “Look at you wastin’ your time with this bullshit.” He glares at me with bloodshot eyes. “You’re just like your goddamn mother. There’s a sink full of dishes and laundry on the fuckin’ floor, and you’re in here cryin’ around.”
He becomes a haze behind the tears fogging my vision. My heart and soul—my biggest vulnerabilities and darkest fears—are on those pages, and he’s wielding them in front of my twelve-year-old face like a knife. I feel my heart splinter with every page he turns and every word he reads.
I’m going to be sick. “Can I have that back?” But as soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I messed up.
His lip curls as he looks at me over his shoulder. “Nah. I think I’ll keep this. And I think you’ll clean this house top to bottom tonight, or I might have to tape these pages on the windows so everyone who comes by can read them.”
I shiver, hopping to my feet and heading back to my computer. “No,” I say to myself. “You’re not allowing the bitter actions of a drunk to derail you. You’re leaving all of that back there where it belongs.”
Gray’s schedule is still pulled up, so I go over it again.
His to-do items are blue, his rugby schedule is in yellow, and his personal items are in green. It’s robust and mostly complete. Looking at it reminds me of who I am—a woman who is competent, confident, and who has fought for every crumb she has ever been given. I’m a survivor of everything the world has thrown my way.
I attach the calendar link to an email with steadier hands and forward it to Gray. Then I open my text app.
Me: I emailed you a link to your calendar. I’ll be adding to it regularly, so please check it at least every night for updates to the following day.
His response comes back immediately.
Gray: Will do.
“Will do?” I flinch in surprise. “That was easy. Is he fucking with me or what?”
I tap out another message to test the waters.
Me: We need to find a time to sit down and go over things that would take too long to text.
Gray: Sunday is my only free day.
I laugh in disbelief. “Well, okay, then, Gray. You’re just cooperating now?”
Me: How about we meet somewhere around four o’clock?
Gray: Sure. Want to just come over here?
Me: Not really.
Gray: Stupey’s, then?
I mosey around the house and consider where I want to meet Gray. Stupey’s would work, but it could be loud, and it would undoubtedly be distracting. Alternatively, I have no interest in inviting Gray here. That’s … too much.
Maybe his house would be the best answer. Oof.
I grimace while typing out my reply.
Me: I’ll come there.
Gray: Don’t worry. I know you rolled your eyes. I don’t think you WANT to come here.
I can’t help it. I laugh at the cheeky bastard.
Me: Sunday at four.
Gray: Great.
Me: Great.
I’m not sure what to say now. I should put the phone down and get back to work. Instead, I hold the device in my hand and stare at the screen as if I expect another text to come through, even though I don’t.
Still, a couple of minutes go by, and my phone dings again.
Gray: Thank you.
I grin, typing out my response.
Me: You’re welcome.
Then I turn my phone off and focus on an email I need to send to Blakely.
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
Gray
“What the fuck?” I laugh, tucking my towel around my waist.
My phone is propped up against a bottle of lotion with a video from the team chat playing on the screen. Nico and Ridge are together, presumably at one of their homes. Nico is wearing an Easter bunny outfit minus the head. Ridge dons a beekeeper’s veil and gloves. They each have a hula hoop, one pink and one purple, and are cracking each other up in a contest that involves hopscotch, a swimming pool, and a unicorn raft.
Jory: Have you been drinking?
Sebastian: You can do better than that, Nico. Are you even trying?
Breaker: Try it again. Backward.
Nico: Am I trying? Fuck off. This is hard.
Me: I think the bunny tail is throwing off your balance.
Nico: THAT IS THE ENERGY I NEED, ADLER.