Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 116231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
thirty-two
Kylie
I pick up the phone and dial Kirby, staring out the window and holding my coffee cup in my hand. He answers after two rings. “Hello.” His voice sounds like I just woke him up and chances are I probably did. I waited until nine to call him, which is six hours after I woke up for the day. I’m now on coffee number two and even though I should feel exhausted, I don’t. I feel defeated.
“Hey,” I say.“Can I borrow your house in Arizona?” I stare off into the distance, focusing on the skyline but instead seeing Knox’s eyes. His eyes looking at me with an expression I don’t think I ever want to see again. One that will be seared into my brain for the rest of my life.
“What?” I hear the covers on his side rustle, and I know he’s definitely in bed.
“I’m thinking of going back to Arizona and seeing a couple of my friends.” What I want to say is being close to Knox is too much for me. So, I need to put as much space between us so I can work through my feelings for him. “For like a week, maybe two.”
“Of course,” he replies softly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure him with cheer in my voice, as I wipe away a tear that escapes from my eye. “I’m going to go and book a flight now,” I tell him, even though I already did it last night when I came home. “I’ll send you my travel info.”
I spent the whole game with the kids, the whole fucking game. Wanting to be close to them, or better yet, needing to be close to them. I wondered if he would have told them not to talk to me, but they were as friendly as they always were. During warm-up, I saw him skate up to us and I made an excuse to talk to Lexi. I felt his eyes on mine the whole time, trying to tell myself that I was fine; I wasn’t. But I would be, or at least that is what I had to believe. I watched the game, or better yet, I watched him. His game was completely off and then the fight at the end? My chest felt like it was going to explode. I got out of there the second he skated to the box, telling everyone I wanted to miss the traffic, when in reality, I couldn’t face him. I got home and booked a flight to Arizona for this afternoon. I would stay at a hotel if I had to, all I knew was I couldn’t stay here in my apartment. The four walls felt like they were closing in on me.
“Um, okay.” His voice is unsure. “Call me if you need me,” he says and he lingers on the call, and I have to wonder if he knows what happened.
“Will do.” I disconnect and walk into my room, packing two bags. Not one… two. Overpacking, I pack three outfits a day. I have never in my life changed more than once a day and here I was going to Arizona, thinking I’m going to go out on the town every single night.
The minute I step foot into the house and open the shades, I know I shouldn’t be here. I know I don’t want to be here. I know exactly where I want to be. I force myself every single day to get out of bed. Force myself to eat little bites of food here and there. I go to the Pilates class I used to go to when I lived here. I go to the grocery store as if my life isn’t shattered and burning to the ground around me. As if I’m suddenly this gourmet chef. I buy things to bake, which I’ve never done in my life. I pretend it’s all okay when inside a piece of me dies every single day. The heaviness I had when I got here is even worse as the days go by instead of getting lighter. I thought after a couple of days it would be fine. I thought it would lessen. I. Was. Wrong.
Needless to say, the week I’m here is borderline the worst week I’ve ever had in my life. And that is saying something, especially with my childhood and my teenage years. I thought coming out here would clear my head. I thought it would make it easier. It didn’t, it just made it even fucking worse. I cut my trip short, going back home and not telling anyone. I’m sitting on my balcony, and I think I’m on hour two of sobbing.
My heart literally hurts. I pick up my phone and dial Lexi’s number. She answers after one ring, “Hey,” she says.