Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 117415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Oh. Horseshoe. Raj wondered if I still like … horseshoes.
His little riddle lands a touch late.
He must’ve spotted Timothy in the crowd and helped smuggle him back here to see me. Knowing how good of a memory Raj has, it’s no wonder he recognized him.
“So you left me in the hotel … not because you don’t like me,” he concludes, “but because you’re afraid of me getting hurt …?”
My eyes flick to the door. Then I nod yes.
“So if I told you I’ll take my chances and tough it out … you’d be okay if I stuck around?”
I shut my eyes. “It ain’t that easy.”
“Why not?”
I guess I’m going all in. “My manager wants me to stay single. I can’t do relationships. He and about three or four others already think I’ve got a hot guy hidden in the wings.” I grip my forehead, frustrated. “If word got out, I’m tellin’ you, Timothy, there ain’t no goin’ back. I’m sorry. But this is just how it is. It’s why I had to end things between us before it gets any deeper than it already has.”
“And what if I don’t leave?”
His voice comes closer. I open my eyes.
He’s standing right in front of me.
I flinch, as if to back away, but I’m already backed against the counter with nowhere left to escape to. Is that some sign that I’ve already done enough running?
“What if …” he says, “I want to go deeper?”
“Timothy …”
It suddenly occurs to him to ask. “Is Austin your real name?”
“Yes.”
“You gave me your real, actual name?”
“Yeah, it’s my first name. Chase is my middle name.”
He puts his hands on the counter on either side of me, coming closer. “If you had told me the truth in that hotel room,” he goes on, “I would’ve made my own choice. And it would not have been to duck out before morning. I would’ve stuck it out with you.”
I’m quickly losing my grip. “Timothy …”
“You deserve to have what you want, Austin. You can’t give it up just because other people seem to be … to be running your life.” His eyes flick away, his own words hitting him, too.
Oh, of course. His parents. The family business.
“Then why aren’t you getting what you deserve?” I gently ask.
His eyes snap to mine. “What?”
“You’d have stood up to your parents by now,” I go on. “Told them you aren’t interested in taking over the business.”
“But I …” Now he’s the one sputtering. “It … isn’t as easy as—”
“Of course not,” I agree with him. “Nothing about either of our situations is easy. I … I made a mistake with you, alright? … I went too far. I entertained it for too long.”
“A mistake …?”
“The fantasy of us.” I wag a finger between us. “You and me. I didn’t think it through. I just … I let my feelings get carried away. But I can’t do that. I can’t when so many people are relying on me. I’ve gotta be Chase Holt.” I look down. “I’ve … got no room in my life to be Austin, you get what I mean?”
He closes his eyes. Says nothing back.
It hurts. All of this. I’m being punished by my own heart. With him returning. Making me say it out loud, all the words I didn’t jot down on that stupid piece of paper at the hotel.
Doesn’t he realize if things were different, I’d leap on him in a heartbeat? Some decisions, we can’t make on our own.
Sacrifice is the building block of every career.
Timothy takes a step back from me. Then he sets down the hat on a nearby table. I try not to see that as a goodbye. He goes to the door without a word, puts his hand on the knob, then stops.
“Quicksand,” he says.
I stare at his back, waiting.
“I heard your song,” he goes on. “I was on my way out those big stormy glass doors, giving up on finding you in the crowd … when I heard your song. It stopped me. Reeled me back in. Which I guess is a good thing seeing as it was raining buckets and I was not ready to drive all the way home in it.” He glances back at me over his shoulder. “Was that a new song? And more importantly, was it about me?”
Of course it was, I want to tell him. Who else would it be about? Wily dug the hard bass line. Fiona played around with the chords a lot while popping jellybeans. Raj just had plain fun. We’d thrown it together this afternoon after I had the lyrics nailed, just like we used to do back in the day with Cam. It’d been years since I wrote a song so fast, a song that my bandmates clicked with right away—and the crowd ate it up.