Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 232(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 232(@300wpm)
“No problem.” I moved so he could exit the stall with his equipment. He needed thanks far more than I did. He’d texted earlier that he had plans to get a drink after work with Luna. The call had likely upended his night. “Did you get your beer?”
“Cut short, but it was good to see Luna and Mitch outside of work.” Jude shifted his case to the other shoulder. “Colt was also at the bar, having a drink with Grayson.”
“Oh.” Not sure how to react, I drew the word out. “Awkward?”
“A bit.” Jude bit the inside of his cheek, shifty eyes saying it was more than a little weird to see my brother while trying to keep the thing with me a secret.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Jude studied his feet, not my face. “I’m enjoying our time together. Not your fault your brother is overprotective. Like you said, no one needs to know, including Colt. It’s worth any awkward encounters.”
“Lying is hard.” My tone was somewhere between commiseration and frustration. I’d been avoiding this topic for weeks now, but maybe being open would ease some of the weirdness.
“It’s not lying per se.” Jude shuffled in place as if contemplating making a break for it. “More like omission. Keeping our business private.”
“That what you want?” I kept my voice neutral.
“I want more time with you.” Jude’s tongue darted out to lick his lower lip. Damn it. Maybe keeping this to just sex was the better option, especially given Jude’s cagey tone. “I can deal with the secrecy.”
“Deal or prefer?” The question shot out of my mouth before my brain could think better of poking at Jude. Casual might be easier, but apparently, I cared about Jude’s reply more than I wanted to admit.
Jude made a frustrated noise, which did nothing to improve my mood. “I thought you were happy with where things are at.”
“I am.” My voice was firm, but my mind was far less certain. The me of three months ago had zero intention of ever coming out, but if Jude asked, I would. The sudden realization made my breath choppy.
“This friendship…” Jude trailed off as his hand twisted the strap to his case. “It’s important to me.”
“Friends is what you want?” I stiffened my spine. I’d survived any number of fubar situations in the army, but risking Jude’s rejection had my cast-iron stomach all wobbly.
“I’m a terrible bet for dating.” Jude’s eyes were cloudy and pained. “And you’re not about to come out.”
“Never said that.” There. I’d made my decision. Relief and terror flooded my nervous system in equal measure. “Not in the service. Less need to hide.”
“You’d come out for me?”
“If you wanted.” I swallowed hard. So far, terror was winning out.
“That’s a terrible reason to come out.” Jude blew out a breath, a harsh wind whipping through my hopes. “I’m not going to ask that of you.”
“Okay.” I turned back to the horse so he wouldn’t see my disappointment. I wanted to ask if my TBI was the real reason he didn’t want to publicly date, but I wasn’t sure I’d like that answer any better.
“Wait.” Jude stopped my retreat with a hand on my shoulder. “What do you want, Carson?”
“Not sure.” I offered him my truth. I had no clue what I was doing here. I’d never before had the slightest inclination to be in a relationship, yet with Jude, the idea was far less terrifying than the alternative. “Willing to find out.”
“Oh.” Jude’s mouth made a perfect circle. I couldn’t tell if he was on the verge of running for the door or kissing me. I knew which I preferred, so I stepped closer.
“Got your food.” Kat chose that exact moment to come striding through the barn door, stopping short as she took note of Jude’s presence. “You’re still here? I figured you’d need to get those samples back.”
“I do.” Jude gave a slow nod.
His eyes shot me some sort of message, but hell if I could decipher it. And I wasn’t about to ask with Kat right there, watching us with way too much interest.
“Go on.” I made a shooing motion with my hand. “We’re good here.”
We weren’t, of course. I had no idea what Jude and I were, but it was a far cry from good.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jude
I don’t know what you want from me.
I’d typed and deleted the text to Carson so many times that even my phone was sick of me. And I needed to stop messing with the phone and get on with my morning, which included a follow-up visit at Second Chance Ranch. Tired of the quiet, I flipped on the radio, which landed on a country station from the last time Carson had been in the truck.
Fuck. I missed him.
Carson said he’d come out if I wanted him to, which was a hell of a lot of pressure. We were friends, and for once, benefits hadn’t destroyed the friendship. If anything, we were stronger friends after the sex. Wouldn’t dating increase the chances of a messy ending and a ruined friendship? Carson was willing to find out what he might want in terms of something more, but I wasn’t sure I had the same courage.