Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 232(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69468 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 232(@300wpm)
“Thanks.” Jude shot me a grateful look as we sped along. This far outside of Lovelorn and the other small towns along the main highway, there was little traffic to slow us down. “You’re the sort of level head that’s good in an emergency.”
“Pays to stay calm.” Years of military service had drummed that mantra into me, but my ability to manage my emotions had started far earlier. In a chaotic single-parent household with multiple siblings, learning how to handle the unexpected without freaking out had been an important life skill. “Situation management.”
“Aye, aye, Sergeant.” Jude chuckled.
“Bet you’re good at it too.” I shrugged off the tease. Jude wouldn’t have gotten this far as a vet without being level-headed.
“I try.” A muscle jumped in his jaw. “Stress tends to get me after though.”
“That’s normal.” I pitched my voice to be reassuring as we passed a sign for one of the roads that led to the state lands and Disappointment Canyon. The memory of that night stargazing made my muscles warm and loosened my tongue. “Takes me a bit to wind down.”
“Exactly. I end up tired and wired for hours as my adrenaline settles. And some situations stay with you more than others.” Jude’s tone turned thoughtful. “My dad was a master of emergency management, though, and he seldom showed any after effects.”
“Doesn’t mean he didn’t have any.” I’d seen even the coolest operators puke after missions or cry in the showers, hoping no one would notice. And the number of military personnel who dealt with stress through the bottle and other means was sky high. Outward appearances only took one so far.
“True.” Jude blew out a breath. “Dad pined for my mom something fierce. Funny how he could navigate the gnarliest of veterinary crises, but never recovered from her loss.”
“My mom said he died of a broken heart.” I’d been overseas when Jude’s father had died, but I’d overheard Mom and Aunt Georgia discussing Jude’s father more recently.
Jude made a weary noise. “That’s what Lovelorn gossip says.”
“What’s the truth?” I asked quietly. More than wanting to know the whole story, I wanted Jude to feel comfortable opening up to me.
“Dad went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. Sudden heart failure was the initial assumption. Hence the gossip.” Jude’s voice was far away, laced with old pain. “Then I found paperwork from a doctor in Durango. He’d been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer three days prior. Didn’t tell a soul, including me.”
“You think he self-harmed?” I kept my question gentle.
“Pretty sure. I found the paperwork too late for the medical examiner to order autopsy toxicology. I think Dad wanted to spare me another long illness like my mother’s.” Jude’s voice wavered. “Still wish he’d told me. I would have taken whatever time he had left over the alternative.”
“I get that.” I reached over the console and patted his thigh.
“No one else knows my suspicion.” Jude rolled his shoulders like the weight of the secret was bearing down on him.
“I won’t tell.” I rubbed his thigh. I hated that he’d had to live with this knowledge, but his choosing me to share made me sit up taller in my seat.
“I trust you.” Jude had no idea how much those words meant to me. “And that’s why I feel so guilty for not coming back sooner. I thought we had all the time in the world.”
“You miss him.” No matter the cause of Jude’s father’s death, the loss had clearly left a deep scar.
“Every day.” Jude sped up to pass a slow-moving pickup before continuing. “I actually got my start on emergency calls like this one with him. He’d bring me along for an extra set of hands in high school, especially as my mom got sicker and couldn’t help as much.”
“Good training. Good bonding.” I couldn’t quite keep the envy out of my voice. I’d never had a father to bond with. Jude had lost his far too soon, but at least they’d had a number of years together, a chance for his dad to pass on wisdom and traditions.
“For sure.” Jude turned onto a skinny dirt road. “Keeping calm helped when I got to the military too. Having helped with colic and tricky breech births gave me perspective.”
“I bet.” My upbringing had helped some, but I’d had to learn that same perspective one mission at a time. The dirt road curved, leading toward a newer log cabin-style ranch house with huge picture windows and a barn beyond the house.
“Okay. We’re here.” Jude pulled up next to the barn. “I can deal with the Youngs if you want to help me carry in equipment.”
“Sure thing, boss.” My tone was teasing, but I wanted to remind him that out here I wasn’t a sergeant. He was in charge, and I respected his authority.