Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 71698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71698 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 358(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
But it’s not just my body that I’m sick in.
Carissa just dropped the fact that she knows this is the last show, but it’s so obvious that’s not how she meant it, especially not when she just followed up with that last statement. If she knows, then does everyone on this tour know? She’s sensitive, quiet, and perceptive. I know she sees things that other people miss. That’s her gift.
Right now, it appears to be more like her curse.
She’s clearly appalled at herself, sitting on the edge of the bed, frozen and stiff, worried I’m going to take her head off. Have I ever done anything like that to anyone? It’s not in me to react that way. I’m not conventional in any sense.
Sure, I’ve been splashed on all sorts of magazine covers, articles, billboards, and other fucking media, and a big part of that is sex appeal. I do a lot of work to keep my body in good shape, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t understand that most of our fanbase is women. I’ve seen the thirsty comments that get bantered about. It used to be overwhelming, and it reached a point where I was almost afraid of getting torn apart in a crowd. Then came Alicia. She took a lot of heat for dating me, but she stuck with it. She thought it was worth the boost it would give her own career, and when we got together and talked it out, we knew if the world thought we were dating, it would give us a level of freedom to focus on what we really wanted to focus on.
For her, it was modeling. For me, it was writing and performing music.
Our music is more alternative, but it’s got that edgy, heavier leaning. We’re not exactly rock, but we do look something along the lines of rockstars with our jacked abs, leather pants and jackets, piercings and tattoos, metal jewelry, eyeliner, and long hair. Our music and our shows are meant for adult audiences. I throw my whole heart behind it and put on one hell of a show every single time I perform. On stage, I’m wild. I curse. I sometimes strip off my shirt, and I get slicked up in sweat. Every so often, I throw in a little racy dance move. However, in real life, I’m actually quite a golden retriever.
I made a decision from day one to honor what my grandmother told me. No smoking, drinking, partying, drugs, or treating other people with disrespect. In her books, that meant avoiding having a lot of casual sex just because it was available.
Some people might think that’s unrealistic, but I took it to heart. My grandma let me go out into the world after my mother put me out of her life for years. She fought like the devil himself to find me and get me back. She lost her own daughter, but even after all that, she didn’t tell me not to go and live my life. She just wanted me to be the kind of person I could be proud of when I looked back on it all.
I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on experiences. I’ve created new ones to replace the ones I never wanted to have in the first place.
Carissa designs herself to disappear into a crowd. While I was made for the stage, she likes to blend in. She has no idea that she’d stand out anywhere, effortlessly, because she’s so beautiful.
Conventionally and uniquely.
Her hair is dark mahogany. It’s long, but she often braids it or wears it in a tight bun to keep it out of her face. I’ve rarely seen it down. It’s wild and a little bit frizzy with some natural curl, and it frames a face that an entire song could be written about just to describe it. If it were a pop song, it would probably compare her dark eyes to shining stars, her body to that of a goddess, and her unassuming grace to that of a still body of water. But all those songs would fall short of the mark. Words can’t do her justice. She’s not beautiful because of any single feature but because of her strength, her spirit, her compassion, and her kindness.
It’s taken me years of knowing her to gain even a small understanding of what goes on behind her eyes. She’s a tough person to get to truly know. She’s nice to everyone, and she’s kind, right down to her soul. She’s the kind of person who deflects rather than talks about herself, every single time.
I can see why she became a nurse. She’s naturally nurturing, intelligent, strong, and capable. I’ve seen her put others ahead of herself, time and time again. There’s not a single person on this tour who doesn’t like her or doesn’t think they can talk to her. Her mom is a therapist, not the physical kind but the mind kind, although there’s obviously an overlap. Despite that, Carissa never tries to analyze anyone, but she does have a unique perspective on most situations.