Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 102166 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102166 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
“Oh, huh. I thought that would have been in your welcome packet or something. Finn’s father was the D.A.”
“What’s a D.A.?”
“District Attorney. They prosecute crimes in the city. He was killed in the middle of a really ugly inter-species court case. Before she passed, Finn’s mom sued the state for not having better protections in place. I mean, what good was a human security guard going to do when paranormals started warring in the courthouse?
“Anyway, the family was awarded a boatload of money. And, I guess, Finn is using a chunk of that to get his own seat at the table.”
She’d learned more about Finn from a stranger than Finn had told her himself.
“It makes sense, in a way, that he chose you, then, if you think about it.”
“How so?”
“Because if he is able to not hold a grudge against the paranormal communities in the city after all he’s lost—and is actually marrying a member of one—then those same communities should be able to trust that he will be fair to them.”
That did make sense. Even if Iris hated to admit she understood the motivations for him to force this engagement upon her.
“Anyway, back to getting back to hexing your happily ever after. Metaphorically. Or …” Selene trailed off with a warm smile. “I mean, say the word and I’ll summon three very inconvenient exes and a major scandal.”
“It has to be subtle,” Iris insisted.
“Not my strong suit, but I’m sure I can help you come up with a plan. Okay. You shop. I’ll plot the end of your relation—goddess, Gerty. It’s rude to walk through people,” Selene said, doing a whole-body shiver. “I’ll be at my desk if you need me.”
Where she would totally, absolutely not be reading that rom-com on the counter, Iris thought as she started to browse the books.
She got lost among the stacks for hours, trying to debate which books to buy and which she would have to come back for when she had more money on her. Though it was a lot like deciding which child to leave behind, when she made her way back up to the counter, where Selene was bent over a notepad, dutifully writing a list while an enchanted pen doodled in the margins.
“This is it. I’ve got the ultimate sabotage—but make it discreet—list.”
“Let me hear it.”
“One. Be alarmingly honest. Especially in public. Say everything you’re thinking. Especially observations about Finn.
“Two. Develop odd human hobbies. Taxidermy comes to mind. Collecting antique dental tools or creepy dolls.
“Three. Make it musical. Break into sea shanties. Constantly. The raunchier the better.
“Four. Compose him love poems. Terrible ones. And then share them. Publicly.
“Five. Get really into human conspiracy theories. Secret alien laboratories included. Be very concerned about the rights of those fictional aliens. And swear that when Finn gets elected, you are going to get to the bottom of it.
“Six. Ocean puns. Constantly. Make it really embarrassing.
“Seven. Give him gifts. But make them unsettling. A pickled fish in a jar because it ‘made you think of him.’ Braid a lock of your hair into a shape that looks a little too much like a noose and leave it on his pillow. Or inside a heart-shaped box labeled ‘romance’ … I could keep going.”
Iris’s smile threatened to split her face. “You’re a mastermind.”
“Finally,” Selene said with a bright smile, “someone recognizes the brilliance behind my weaponized cynicism. We can … is he here for you?” she asked, nodding toward the front door.
Turning, Iris found Monty waiting for her. He might have been celebrity-watching, but he’d clearly also gone shopping. His wings were loaded down with bags, and he had a fancy tie hanging down his chest.
“That’s Monty. He’s that companion I mentioned. Your wards work too well on him.”
“All right. Let’s get you checked out. I’m going to stick your list inside the new vampire thriller you got. Guard it with your life.”
“Got it. Thanks for your help.”
“I’ll be here anytime you need to revise your plan. Or vent. Or, you know, buy more books.”
With that, after Selene handed her a tote bag with the store’s logo, Iris made her way outside.
Monty eyed her bag but said nothing as they started the long walk back to the penthouse.
“Hey, Monty?”
“Yes, my charming sea witch?”
“Where might I find vintage dental devices?”
9
Finn
“What the hell is that?” Henry’s voice was tight and horrified, making Finn turn to find him looking at the jar that now sat proudly in the center of his island.
“Exactly what it looks like,” Finn said, exhaling hard.
“Those are teeth. You have a jar of teeth on your counter.”
“Indeed, I do. Fangs too. She’s an equal opportunity collector.”
“This is Iris’s doing?”
“Well, I certainly didn’t discover some new obsession with teeth all of a sudden.” He wasn’t even going to bring up the torture device that was sitting next to their toothbrushes in the bathroom, which had been used to keep mouths open in early dentistry.