Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103050 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
But why would Darcy see me as the kind of woman who took risks, tried things, and lived abroad, when all the evidence points to the exact opposite?
The fact is, I don’t have the life I want and I’m not the woman I want to be.
If I want to change my cake, I have to change the recipe.
I have to take a risk. A fantastic opportunity landed in my lap. Why am I questioning this? I should be booking my flights to New York already.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll do it.”
It’s past time for me to take control of my life.
THREE
Deacon
Most people hate Mondays. They hate being pulled away from their families, from the autonomy of a few days when they don’t have to answer to a boss or deal with a to-do list.
To me, Mondays are something to look forward to. A welcome distraction.
I hate Sundays—today.
I slide my laptop into my case, along with the pile of papers that I’ll work through this afternoon and then take back to the office tomorrow.
Switchover day is always the worst day of my week because it’s the day I move out of the house I used to share with my ex, I leave my daughter, and I go back to Hotel on Ninth Street, where I stay for three nights.
My ex, Gabby, moves in from tonight until Wednesday and then we switch again.
It’s called nesting. It’s not the most conventional arrangement. But it means that Willow doesn’t get shuttled between Gabby and me. Willow stays in her own bed, in her family home, and Gabby and I move in and out. It gives Willow stability and certainty. She doesn’t live out of a suitcase. She doesn’t have to worry that she’s left her homework with Daddy or her favorite toy with Mommy. She only lives in one place.
As a former army brat, I know what it’s like to never call one place home for long and I don’t want that for my daughter.
The nesting arrangement works for all of us.
But I still hate the idea I won’t get to see my daughter again until Wednesday.
Every week, I get reminded that I’ve fucked up. I didn’t manage to hold my family together enough for us all to share a house—to be a family.
Gabby and I split three years ago when Willow was three. It was sort of amicable. Or at least it felt that way. Neither of us cheated. If either of us had, it may have poisoned our relationship to such an extent that we wouldn’t be able to have the arrangement we do now.
Fact is, I couldn’t give Gabby what she needed. I worked all the time. My number one priority was making sure that I could put Willow in a position where she was financially taken care of for the rest of her life. As soon as she was born, that’s all I could think about—if I died tomorrow, would Willow be okay?
And so I buried myself in the office. And when I emerged, all I wanted to do was hang out with Willow. There was no room for Gabby.
I can’t blame her for ending things. She did the right thing.
But I still hate switchover day.
The deal is, I’m gone by 8 a.m. on Sunday morning. I’m never late. But I’m never early either. I make sure I spend every last second with Willow.
“Daddy, I brushed my teeth,” Willow says as she stands in the door to my bedroom.
She certainly did. She’s got the toothpaste all around her mouth to prove it.
“You’re such a big girl,” I say, as I lift her into my arms. “You can even brush your teeth yourself. You’re not going to need Daddy for anything soon.”
Willow’s growing independence is incredible to watch but also terrifying. It’s all going so quickly. I want to just stay here awhile. I want to sit and enjoy these moments where she likes to dress up as a fairy and have tea parties with her teddies. I’d happily stay like this forever. I’m the most important man in her life. And she’s the most important woman in mine. Things with Gabby are fine.
Everything works.
Willow presses her palms to my cheeks. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you more,” I say.
“I love you more more,” she says.
“Impossible,” I say.
“Possible.”
I shake my head. She will never comprehend how much I love her. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling anything so ferocious as the love I feel for Willow until she was born. I would jump off the Empire State Building for her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for this pudgy-handed beauty in my arms.
“I’m going to miss you,” I say.
“I will see you Wednesday, Daddy. That is only three sleeps away.”
“I know. I’ll still miss you.”
“And I will FaceTime you after school like I always do.”