Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
It was my safe place.
Until it wasn’t.
And that broke something inside me.
But that was no excuse for what I said to Maia last night. Just because she’d seen right through my bullshit, I’d punished her for it in the worst way. I’d made her feel … emotion clogged my throat as the look on her face kept flashing across my mind.
I’d hurt the one person who meant everything to me.
My chest burned with the ache of how painful that was.
“You know what I can’t believe … that for a second, I actually thought something real was happening between us.”
Goddamn it.
“I did let you in more than I’ve ever let anyone in.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Don’t call me ever again, Baird. I don’t need another person like you in my life making me feel like shit about myself.”
That … that was my wake-up call. Raising my phone to call Maia again, I winced as it rang for two seconds and cut out. It didn’t even go to voicemail. Shit, I hoped she hadn’t blocked me.
The bang that had woken me out of a dazed sleep rang through the building again, and I realized it was the front entrance. Footsteps sounded, ascending toward me. I tensed, phone dangling from my fingers as the footsteps kept coming.
Then there she was.
Relief and apprehension mingled as I straightened from my slump.
Maia abruptly stopped.
Her eyes looked tired behind her glasses and her hair was a mess. Her clothes were rumpled, like she’d slept in them.
She was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen.
Her lips parted, her nostrils flared. “What … how long have you been there?”
I winced, pushing up to my feet and feeling every inch of having slept outside her flat. “All night.”
“What?” She fingered her keys nervously. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I was waiting for you to come home.” I rubbed a hand through my hair, heart rate increasing. “I was worried when you didn’t.”
She skirted past me, as if trying to avoid us touching.
Damn it.
“Where were you?”
Maia cut me a wary look, which hurt worse than if she’d glared daggers at me. “Beth and Callan’s.”
At least she’d been somewhere safe. “Maia, I need to apologize.”
She stuck her keys in her door, shaking her head. “I have to get ready for work.”
“You’re right. I’m scared,” I blurted out.
She paused but didn’t look at me.
“Every time I walk on that pitch, I’m scared. And it … it fucking hurts, My. Because it’s been my home for most of my life. It’s been who I am. I don’t know how to exist in a world where the pitch isn’t a safe place anymore.”
At the choked emotion in my voice, Maia looked up at me. Despite the nasty lies I spewed at her, those gorgeous violet eyes were filled with pain. For me. “Bear …”
I forced myself not to go to her. To maintain a distance for her sake. “You were right about everything. I’ve been trying to psych myself out of it by doing stupid shit that could hurt me, or worse. Trying to numb it with partying and drinking.”
She waited for me to continue.
“I lashed out at you because you were trying to make me face the truth.”
Tears flooded her eyes, and I could feel the burn in mine because I hated that I was responsible for them.
“I said what I said because I’m a dick. I’m a dick because I let my fear do that. But not just my fear.” I leaned into her, feeling the truth brim over. “It was my frustration and impatience … because I’ve wanted you as more than a friend since the moment we met.”
Her lips parted with surprise.
I shook my head. “That it could shock you that my feelings for you have never been platonic pisses me off because you should know how special you are, Maia. How fucking lovable you are,” I said pointedly. “There is no way you will ever end up alone or unloved. Never. I feel sick to my stomach that I said that to you.”
“Bear …” Her breathing hitched as she searched my face for the truth.
“I said yes to a fake marriage with you because I fully intended to make you see how real it could be for us.”
There.
The truth was out.
Maia gasped. “What?”
“You heard me.” I stepped in close now, my palms resting on her door above her head, caging her in. Our noses almost touched and there was that wee hitch in her breathing again. That wee hitch gave me hope. “I’m sorry, My. I’m sorry for hurting you. You are the last person I would ever want to hurt. And I want to be with you. Not just for the campaign. But for real.”
Her breathing was harsh, short, and sharp, her cheeks flushed. “Even … even knowing what you know about me?”