Total pages in book: 166
Estimated words: 160356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 802(@200wpm)___ 641(@250wpm)___ 535(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160356 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 802(@200wpm)___ 641(@250wpm)___ 535(@300wpm)
He breaks free from my arms, but not my legs, which lock him in a hold. His eyebrows rise as he takes a wrist in each hand and pushes them above my head. “Come and live with us.”
My legs immediately go lax around him, along with the rest of my body. “Come live with you?” I parrot like a fool.
“I don’t want you to be on your own anymore.” Sinking his face into my neck, he kisses his way up my cheek onto my lips, while I stare, struck fucking dumb, at the ceiling. “This is only going one way, Camryn, and that’s toward forever.” He pulls back and scans my face, his expression somewhere between hope and caution. “Let’s not waste time stressing about what’s a socially acceptable timeframe for shit like this.” Another kiss on my blank face. “I love you.” Another kiss. “I want you here.” Another kiss. “Say yes.”
“Get off.”
He stills for a beat then lifts his head to get me in his sights, searching my eyes. “Cam—”
“Get off, Dec.” I put resistance against his hands that are holding my wrists down, and he instantly lets go, pushing to his knees to free me. I get up, my heart bashing madly, and go to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I feel like a full-blown panic attack is about to cripple me, my breathing shot to bits, my skin clammy. I go to the sink and splash my face with cold water, patting at it as I lower to the edge of the tub, my legs shaking, partly because I’m still recovering after Dec blew my mind and body, but partly because of his soft demand. And it’s not even because it’s a demand. Honestly, I don’t know why I’ve reacted like this, but I have, and I can’t stop it.
I love him. I love Albi. Frighteningly, I want nothing more than to be with them constantly—both of them are a calming salve to my broken heart, slowly healing it minute by minute—and yet something feels so unbearably wrong. Is it the guilt? The emptiness that’s slowly being filled by love and hope?
I drop the towel and cover my face with my hands, not crying, but in complete despair. And now I’ve ran away from him, left him on the bed probably kicking himself, so I can hide in here and chase my thoughts in circles.
A light, nervous tap sounds on the door, and I drop my hands as Dec pushes his way in, his naked body visibly deflated. He takes me in on the edge of the bath, thoughtful, and clearly disappointed. “Forget I said anything,” he says with reluctance, dropping the doorknob, his arms hanging heavily by his sides. “It was a stupid idea.” He doesn’t believe that. Do I? I don’t even know. I only just got my head around spending Christmas with them, and now we’ve leapt into forever.
“He’s four, Dec,” I say, my words coming without thought. “I met him days ago. His little mind won’t understand. It’s been him and you all his short life, and I’ve shown up and—”
“He’s smitten with you,” he murmurs. “Doesn’t shut up about you. At this point, I’m questioning if he’d miss me if I vanished.”
“Shut up, he adores you.”
Coming to me, Dec kneels and takes my hands. “Erase the past five minutes.” He kisses both my hands and stands, helping me to my feet and picking me up, carrying me back to the bed and laying me down on my back where I was before he said what he said.
Coming down on top of me, he resumes his position and hides his face in my neck, picking up where we left off. But something like that can’t be unsaid, and as I stare at the ceiling, Dec making love to my neck with his mouth, all I can think about is what lies ahead for us. Because if I can’t get my head around starting a new life with him and Albi, what’s the point in being here now? It’s not fair on Dec. But more, it’s not fair on Albi.
December 22nd
The smell of coffee brings me round, mixed with the distinct, lost lingering scent of kids shampoo. I inhale in my darkness, letting that delicate scent sink deeply into me. Naturally, the memories come with it, so I let them take hold for a few moments, enjoy them, before I open my eyes to a new day in a whole new world. I find Albi star-fished in the middle of the bed on his back again, his arms draped over his head, his mouth open. Standard Ellis boys sleeping pose. His crumpled pyjamas have ridden up his arms and legs, revealing his creamy, perfect skin. His hair is a flawless mess. His lashes, like his daddy’s, are long and nearly touching his high cheekbones. Lifting my head, I look over his body and see Dec’s side of the bed empty. He’s making coffee.