Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
And me, I think, but I know that’s not what Maddie wants or needs to hear. “What’s going to happen with the funeral?”
“There won’t be one,” Maddie says, her tone flat. “Gray didn’t want one. Said there was no one important enough to justify the expense or the effort. Maybe a few coworkers, but”—her eyes come to mine—“the only ones who mattered to him were me, you and Grayce.”
That decision doesn’t shock me. Gray had no family left, not really. Just the three people sitting in this room, and while he had a handful of casual friends and coworkers he liked well enough, the truth was, after he became a dad, those relationships sort of languished as he focused all his energy on his daughter.
“He left a letter.” Maddie stands Grayce up with her little feet propped on her thighs. “Said he wanted both of us to read it together after he was gone.”
That feels ominous. “A letter?”
“Yeah… it’s this piece of paper where people write their thoughts down and then we—”
“I know what a letter is,” I grumble.
“Good,” she says and pushes up off the couch. She walks my way and hands the baby to me. “Hold her while I get it.”
I freeze. “What?”
“Hold Grayce,” she says. “It’s in his safe and I need both hands.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I stammer, my palms outward as if to ward her off. Grayce merely gurgles and kicks her feet in her one-piece pajama outfit with panda bears on it.
“For fuck’s sake, Atlas,” Maddie snaps and actually shoves the kid into my arms. “She won’t bite. I mean, you’ve held her before.”
“Once,” I retort as I involuntarily clutch Grayce, “and that was right after she was born when she didn’t move around so much.”
“You’ll be fine,” Maddie drawls and turns on her heel to walk away.
My hands feel like clubs, clumsy and uncertain. I don’t have any experience with babies and the one time I held Grayce not long after she was born was so damn awkward, I swore I’d never do it again. Gray never pushed it on any of my visits, and I certainly didn’t ask. We were both content to let me peer down at her and sometimes let her clutch one of my fingers.
Grayce looks up at me with wide eyes, drool glistening on her chin. My stomach knots. What if she cries? Or God forbid, throws up? I hold her away from me, her brown eyes that look just like Gray’s staring at me inquisitively. I stare right back, willing Maddie to hurry the hell up.
I crane my neck, looking down the hall. What’s taking her so long?
Panic claws at my gut. I shift my arms, terrified I’ll drop her, but Grayce just warbles happily. She reaches her pudgy little fingers to clutch at the laces on my hoodie, her face scrunched up in concentration. Then her gaze comes to me and she looks at me so solemnly, I think she might be trying to communicate. Grayce blows a bubble and says something that I think might be “Da.”
Is she saying dad? Does she know Gray is gone? Does she even know he was sick? I have no clue what part Grayce played in her father’s last days. I want to ask Maddie all these questions, but I’m not sure she’d be keen to answer them, especially since I’m averse to even holding the kid.
After a few moments, my shoulders relax because Grayce doesn’t do anything too shifty. She’s a lot heavier than the last time I held her, which has me adjusting her to rest on my forearm. Warmer too. A living piece of Gray and weirdly, that eases the pain a little.
“Who’s a sweet baby?” I murmur, more to myself. “Who fell out of the sweet tree and hit every branch on the way down?”
She babbles and grins, and… it makes me smile.
I think of Gray—how he stepped up to fatherhood. A one-night stand resulted in a pregnancy, and while he and Grayce’s mother never did make a go at a relationship, he was involved every step of the way. They agreed on shared custody and child support, and Gray was so excited to become a dad. But then Grayce’s mom died giving birth and his world was turned upside down. The man never complained, never made excuses. He just became a dad and was fucking excellent at it. Better than I ever could have been, and I made sure to let him know I was proud of him.
“I’ll make sure you know how great your pop was,” I whisper, brushing a fingertip over her tiny hand. “He was the absolute best.”
Maddie reappears, holding a single envelope. She pauses in the doorway, smirking faintly at my stiff posture. “Want to trade? Letter for the baby?”