Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 89032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
“Yes, I have,” I confirm. No more games. No more holding back. She needs the unvarnished truth.
“All I want to know is why.” Her facade cracks slightly. “Please, Cormac.”
I try to find a way to say it that doesn’t sound fucking insane. “Because without you, my soul is filthy and disgusting.”
Well, I could’ve probably done better.
Her lips pull into a frown and she shakes her head. “That doesn’t really explain anything. Why me? How did you even know about me?”
“You make me feel, Bianca. Your goodness. Your lightness. You try to do right even surrounded by everything that’s fucking wrong, and I worship you for it. I’m the darkness. You’re the light.”
“But that isn’t why,” she says, getting frustrated. “Why me?”
I push back my chair. “I’ll tell you the story, but I want you to see it all again.”
“What?” She flinches back. I hate the flicker of nervousness in her expression. “That room?”
“I know it scared you. I’m sorry for that. I really am. But I want you to see it all again, so you come to understand. That room isn’t a tomb. It’s holy ground.”
She stares at me. Her jaw tightens and her thumbs rub together. If only she could see how it feels with her in my life again, how I’ve woken up because of her, how I’m singing and speaking and running all because of her, she’d understand. It isn’t stalking. Not something so pathetic.
It’s a holy mission.
I’m a crusader and she’s my promised land.
“Fine, but if I want to leave, you’re going to let me go.” She stands slowly. “Swear on your life, Cormac. The second I say I want to leave again, you’re going to step aside.”
“I swear, feather. I’ll never hold you against your will. I’ll never hurt you.”
She shakes her head. “Fucking nuts,” she whispers and glares at me. “Talking about myself. But you’re pretty bad too.”
She lingers outside of the shrine as I step inside and look around. Dozens of memories assault me. “We’re here,” she says uneasily. “Still feels weird. All this stuff.”
“I remember every life,” I say quietly. I lift a movie ticket stub in the air. “I took this after killing an addict that assaulted one of our dealers.” I gesture at an empty Diet Coke can. “This was after I killed a member of a small biker group that was harassing a bar owner under our protection.” I smile down at a tiny screwdriver. “I found this in your kitchen. I took it after I killed a man who stole money from one of our drivers. He was a real piece of shit.”
She gazes over the hundreds of items. “All of these happened after one of your jobs?”
“All of them,” I confirm, gently putting the ticket back where it belongs. “They’re mementos of a sort. They’re a way to repent for what I’ve done.”
“By stealing from me?”
“Think of it like taking a relic from a saint.”
She shakes her head. “Not the same.”
“Not to you, maybe.” I move deeper into the room. She doesn’t follow. “I’m good at what I do. I help my family. I have purpose. But the killings weigh on my soul. Visiting you and taking a piece of your life was how I kept myself light again.”
“Feather,” she whispers softly.
I smile and nod. “Exactly. My feather. I tried not to disturb you too much. I know I didn’t do a good job.”
“You did not.”
“But I never wanted to bother you.”
“How did you get around all my security?”
“Patience. Skill.” I smile to myself, remembering all the close calls. “Lots of luck.”
She looks around the room, crossing her arms. “You still haven’t explained the important part.”
I turn to face her. My beautiful wife. The only clean part of me. “I met you in Philadelphia seven years ago.”
She looks confused. “I don’t remember you.”
“I was stalking a drug addict at the time. He was a fucking piece of shit. Beat his girlfriend half to death. Stole all her cash. Blew it on drugs. Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend was the daughter of a member of our clan, and offenses like that aren’t tolerated. He tried to run to Philadelphia when he heard I was looking for him, but he didn’t get far.”
Bianca’s lips push together. I’m desperate for their taste. I’d do anything to feel them again. But I can’t push. I can’t rush. If I’m going to stay clean, I have to be patient, and I can do that. I have a lot of practice.
Seven long years of it.
“How do I come into the picture?”
“I was stalking him at first. Getting a feel for where he was staying. I’m good at my job because I’m thorough and I don’t take chances.”
“Like you didn’t with the Russians?”
“Exactly, you’re exactly right to bring that up.” I smile to myself at the memory, absently brushing my fingers over the little treasures around me. “That prick was running around Philly indulging his excesses again. Even though he knew I was on his tail, he couldn’t help it. But eventually, he ran out of money, and that’s when he found you.”