Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Emma bit her lip, her eyes warm and loving. “I know. With you, I don’t feel different. I just feel like me because you only see me.”
I cupped her cheeks. “I feel the same with you.” I knew I still wasn’t the epitome of emotionally available, but I wanted to let Emma in.
“I want children. I have always dreamed of having my own family one day. For a long time, I didn’t dare dream it could become a reality,” Emma whispered. She searched my eyes. “Do you want them now?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure if it was the right time for kids yet, but would there ever be a right time? Getting Emma pregnant would definitely get some people off our backs, and maybe it would help me focus on the present and not let the past catch up with me so often. Perhaps it would help get a better handle on my drinking habits too. Emma was right. They had become a little erratic over time.
“I think you should stop taking the pill, and we should let fate decide if we’re ready for kids.”
Emma blew out a breath, her eyes nervous. “Okay. I only have five more pills, and I won’t start the new prescription after that.”
I wrapped my arms around her tightly, my heart speeding up. I knew this was a monumental step that would change everything, even more than a marriage had.
“Can you try to drink less if we do this? Not during the day and maybe not every day?” Her face filled with anxiety over my reaction, and my first instinct was to get angry because I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do, but in this case, I understood Emma’s reasoning.
“I’ll drink less, don’t worry.”
Emma was concerned I had lost control over my drinking, but I would show her that I never relinquished control.
For our first wedding anniversary, Samuel and I decided to head out to the Mione lake lodge about two hours outside of Minneapolis. I had never been there, only at the Cavallaro lodge, but that had been years ago.
The wooden lodge sat tight on the edge of the lake without any other houses in sight. Across the lake, I spotted another similar lodge, but apart from that, the location provided solitude.
I was equally excited and nervous about our trip. My period was overdue by five days, but I hadn’t dared take a test yet. The last two times I’d been overdue by a day and tested, the result had been negative. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. Samuel and I had been only trying for six months, so I knew it was still early, and I couldn’t expect to become pregnant right away. I had packed three pregnancy tests but wasn’t sure if I should really take them. If they were negative, that would overshadow our trip, and I really wanted to enjoy our anniversary.
“You’re very quiet,” Samuel said as he helped me into my wheelchair. A ramp led up to the porch that went around the house.
I smiled at him. “That’s usually your part.”
He chuckled. “It is, which is why I notice when you don’t talk to me.”
“I’m fine, really. Just thinking about the upcoming fundraiser I’m organizing with Priest Agnello.”
Samuel checked our surroundings with a vigilant expression, then keyed in the code so the door of the lodge opened. “Let me know if you need additional help or if it would help if I showed my face at the fundraiser. I want you to succeed.”
I moved inside. “Your face always convinces people to do things.”
Samuel chuckled as he turned and headed toward our car to grab our bags. It smelled freshly cleaned, and a huge bouquet of white-and-blush-colored roses sat on the big kitchen island. A similar bouquet had waited for me this morning on the dining room table, but we hadn’t exchanged gifts yet and would do it after dinner. I smiled as I scanned the big window front overlooking the lake. Samuel came in with our luggage and carried it into the only bedroom on the lower floor. Next, he carried in a cooler with the meat and fish he wanted to put on the barbecue for us tonight and tomorrow. I loved this down-to-earth side of Samuel. He’d hunted the meat himself a few months ago during a trip with his dad. Whenever he barbecued meat, he seemed the most relaxed.
A few bottles of red wine sat on the kitchen counter, and in the fridge, I found my favorite white wine, a Pecorino, my favorite Italian grape at the moment. Samuel probably expected that we’d have a glass of wine tonight for dinner.
I bit my lip. I couldn’t drink until I knew I wasn’t pregnant. Maybe Samuel would suspect something if I didn’t drink anything on our anniversary, even if I’d reduced my intake in the past few months very drastically because of our wish to have a baby.